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What lesson that you didn't see when you were younger and now can see, you would teach to your younger self? (discuss.tchncs.de)

submitted 11 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I'm in my 20's and I consider myself a complete ignorant, in the sense that whenever I make a decision I always think "What would the future me do if I had more experience/knowledge?"

So taking advantage of this space in Lemmy, what lesson that you had to learn by force or that you learned by experience that when you were younger you didn't see you would teach your younger self?

And I mean lessons like: I must learn to love others, or I am worth more than I think I am.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 11 months ago (2 children)

That mental health and having friends is more important than being in a relationship with someone.

I learned it the hard way as I willingly stayed in a toxic relationship way longer than I should have. I was afraid to be alone, I was afraid I couldn't find anyone else and I was ignoring red flags, because you know...sex...

It was a huge relief when it ended and I cursed myself for not breaking up earlier.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I was afraid to be alone, I was afraid I couldn’t find anyone else and I was ignoring red flags, because you know…sex…

Another thing I would tell my younger self is that how much sex you have isn't a measure of how successful a relationship is. It's important to have a functional relationship outside of sex, especially if you want your romantic relationship to last a lifetime. There will be a point for all of us where physical health will preclude a normal sex life, so you best be comfortable with that before it happens.

What matters is they care for you, you care for them, and you both having matching values. Anything past that is just a bonus.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

I am sorry you had to go through that. Interestingly, I’m almost the reverse. I had a group of friends I thought I was close with. Started dating a girl, everyone got along. When I proposed to her the friends all felt that I betrayed my then-roommate friend, and they all bailed on our friendships. I tried to explain how I felt, I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.

They took, spouting all kinds of hurtful things to me and my girlfriend like how we’d never last and how she was my “trophy”. Years later we’re still together, happy, and (mostly) healthy. While at least one of them has been divorced (only mentioning that to point out the irony).

So I ended up losing a whole group of friends in exchange for my wife, who is my best friend. As much as that time hurt, if I had to do it again I would never choose them over her.