Asklemmy

43782 readers

828 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
[email protected]: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

What lesson that you didn't see when you were younger and now can see, you would teach to your younger self? (discuss.tchncs.de)

submitted 11 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

40 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'm in my 20's and I consider myself a complete ignorant, in the sense that whenever I make a decision I always think "What would the future me do if I had more experience/knowledge?"

So taking advantage of this space in Lemmy, what lesson that you had to learn by force or that you learned by experience that when you were younger you didn't see you would teach your younger self?

And I mean lessons like: I must learn to love others, or I am worth more than I think I am.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 20 points 11 months ago (2 children)

That mental health and having friends is more important than being in a relationship with someone.

I learned it the hard way as I willingly stayed in a toxic relationship way longer than I should have. I was afraid to be alone, I was afraid I couldn't find anyone else and I was ignoring red flags, because you know...sex...

It was a huge relief when it ended and I cursed myself for not breaking up earlier.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I was afraid to be alone, I was afraid I couldn’t find anyone else and I was ignoring red flags, because you know…sex…

Another thing I would tell my younger self is that how much sex you have isn't a measure of how successful a relationship is. It's important to have a functional relationship outside of sex, especially if you want your romantic relationship to last a lifetime. There will be a point for all of us where physical health will preclude a normal sex life, so you best be comfortable with that before it happens.

What matters is they care for you, you care for them, and you both having matching values. Anything past that is just a bonus.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

I am sorry you had to go through that. Interestingly, I’m almost the reverse. I had a group of friends I thought I was close with. Started dating a girl, everyone got along. When I proposed to her the friends all felt that I betrayed my then-roommate friend, and they all bailed on our friendships. I tried to explain how I felt, I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.

They took, spouting all kinds of hurtful things to me and my girlfriend like how we’d never last and how she was my “trophy”. Years later we’re still together, happy, and (mostly) healthy. While at least one of them has been divorced (only mentioning that to point out the irony).

So I ended up losing a whole group of friends in exchange for my wife, who is my best friend. As much as that time hurt, if I had to do it again I would never choose them over her.