Word vomit ahead:

I had the best day yesterday in a long long time. Met with a friend for some dranks and she's a very close friend. I did have a crush on her about two years back (maybe I still do) but I'm not about to go tell her that now am I?

Anyway, she was pouring out about her life and how she wants to get married by 28 and have 2 kids blah blah and was talking about her ex and their issues (which I won't go into). Then she was talking about this mutual friend of theirs, how he ticks a lot of boxes for her but she felt weird after their interactions (all platonic). She gave me a few examples of certain situations that put her off but she wasn't able to reconcile why. I put my analytical hat on and laid out stuff the way I saw it and she was genuinely surprised by what she had missed.

Anyway, she then said it must be nice being me cuz I'm so happy and have a good job etc etc. Which is obviously not true and I told her as much, I just don't talk about it as much because I'm a very private person. We then spoke about me and I told her a few things about me. A lot of it was self doubt. Starting with my biggest issue - not having a wide enough friend circle. I felt that I didn't have the conversational skills, maybe I was boring, something about me that puts people off idk?? And she reassured me that I just haven't found my people yet. That she loved hanging out with me and that's a testament to this. She generally doesn't hang out with guys 1:1 but she felt comfortable and safe with me. Anyway, I felt great after the chat as I really needed to get it out of me. She got a bit touchy touchy towards the end but I think she was quite tipsy.

I think I like her but we have very different priorities in life. She wants to get married soon, and while I'm not completely opposed to that, it might be a bit early for me. She wants two kids and I'm borderline no kids / 1 maybe. Also she needs to get married to a Christian cuz family pressure (which I'm not). Also sucks that she's exactly my type 😩. Oh well.

Thanks for listening to my word vomit.