Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
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- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
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Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
To make such a request, at the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the this: [Requesting Engagement from _________]
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
- Gender Spectrum // Resources for youth, parents and family, educators, mental health professionals and faith leaders.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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I'm not understanding this at all. What kind of bottom surgery did you have? You said your needs have increased, and some act or other is being done using "the correct parts." This is very vague - you say before surgery you were "men to sex." What does that mean? Can you be more specific?
i'm no girl, but i would guess "men" is a misspelling of "meh", due to to proximity of the N and H keys on a QWERTY keyboard
Yeah it looks like was an auto-correct error. I hate those auto-correct functions, they should be called "auto-incorrect." I make myself proofread everything now, just in case that happens.
This is the TransFem community. Bottom surgery refers to surgery on the genitalia, most commonly vaginoplasty. "Having the correct parts", in this context, means no longer having genitalia that cause you dysphoria. She is able to have sex without feeling self repulsed or ashamed, and therefore has become much more interested in sex and has a higher libido.
But my question is - why would someone ever feel "repulsed or ashamed" to have same sex attraction in the first place? I mean, I'm gay and I love that about me - it's been a huge blessing. I feel my masculinity is super-charged by my gayness. And even if you transition from male to female, doesn't that mean you still want men for sex partners (so how could man-sex be disgusting or repulsive, unless someone thinks men are so vile and monstrous, in which case, doing something to transition to a female makes no sense to me at all). Just asking - I'm not trying to insult anyone, I'm all for anyone being whatever they choose - i'm just curious.
You are conflating gender identity with sexual orientation. A woman attracted to a man is heterosexual, trans or not. But in either case this post has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation.
I'll speak personally for a moment. Note this is my experience and not universal by any means. Having a penis absolutely disgusted me. It is not that way for all trans women, but for me it was revolting. I hated seeing it, I hated interacting with it, and I couldn't stand anyone else to interact with it either. It made me feel gross, like I had some kind of growth on my body that was entirely foreign to me. I was deeply ashamed of having one, and several times in my own childhood, long before I knew what sex was at all, I had recurring strong feelings about removing it.
My first sexual experiences made me sick. Simply sitting there and being able to feel it, knowing it was there, made me feel sick. It was wrong, innately wrong that was not how my body should be. For years and years while my friends and peers were maturing and experiencing sexuality and romance I was incapable of enjoying those things. I had sex, and I dated both straight women and gay men. I never once felt like my partners truly understood me, and all the time felt that I was lying to them and that they really didn't know who they were dating. Being seen and treated as man, even in queen context, made me severely depressed. And when it came to sex I was a passive participant in most of it. I felt no enjoyment with gay men or straight women, and would lie a lot about whether I was actually into what was happening. Feelings of shame and guilt would consume me for days after. Feelings of disgust at my own body, revulsion at the things people did to my body, and dread at the way my partners saw me.
This has entirely changed since I've had bottom surgery. I transitioned over 8 years ago but only recently have been able to get vaginoplasty and it has totally revitalized nearly every aspect of my life. My body feels like my own, and my partner has never known me as a anything other than the woman I am. They recognize me, they treat me very well and validate me and my feelings. Sex never makes me feel ashamed, having sex is enjoyable now. Just existing at all is free from the constant dread of knowing my penis was there that it existed at all. I feel whole in a way I never have before.
I transitioned for me. Not for anyone else. I got vaginoplasty for me. I didn't do it to fuck men, or to fuck women. I didn't do it for purely sexual reasons. I did it because having a vagina has made me infinitely happier. Because I deserve to live in a body that I love, a body that makes me feel beautiful and happy not repulsed and ashamed. I transitioned because this is me, this is who I am. I'm not a man and I never was. And now I will never have to pretend to be ever again.
^ this person gets it
I think you misunderstood - it's not about who OP is having sex with, it's about sex now (or, at least soon, hopefully) being possible for OP without having to use sexy bits that feel like they're the wrong ones.
Sorry my phone corrected meh to men. I am MTF and had bottom surgery about a month ago. I am still 2 months away from actually having being able to have sex. But I have noticed my sex drive has increase and I actually think about it now where as before surgery I really didn't care for sex or think much of it.
This might be a odd awnser but idk why I started transitioning. I have always felt like a women even before I realized thing like gender and sexuality. Fun enough before starting hormones I was exclusively into women and then I started and became Bi. Now I'm marrying a man so what a rollercoaster. I will say I am just more comfortable with my self and other since transitioning.
Sorry, I'm removing this comment. This place is a safe space for transfeminine people. There are many guides online that can walk you through exactly what trans people are, what dysphoria is, why we transition. This post celebrating trans joy is not it.