this post was submitted on 30 Jun 2023
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Autism
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Don't have autism but am in the field specifically with younger kids. We have switched from saying autistic kids like "I work with autistic kids" to " I work with kids with autism." Curious if one feels better to you as someone who has autism.
Personally I prefer being referred to as autistic as "having autism" makes it sound like a disease to me. In my experience what autism does to me is to make me who I am. It's a collection of traits that we have labeled autistic that is part of shaping my personality, for better and worse. Some traits are annoying to have sure, but everyone has annoying traits(to have or for others to have), mine are just incidentally put in a box and labeled.
The counterargument I've heard is that I shouldn't let it control who I am, therefore it's something I have, but that sounds silly to me because it is me. I tried all my childhood not to be weird and it only made me more insecure and unsincere. I'd rather own it than pretend it doesn't "control me".
It must be said though, it's not something I care very much about and would probably not have noticed much hadn't I been corrected by a social worker when I referred to myself as autistic and explained why it shouldn't be used.
I don’t think adjective-first is letting it control who I am. It’s just one of my qualities. I am kind. I am clumsy. I am intelligent. I am creative. I am autistic.
I mean, it controls us like having blonde or brown or black hair controls us. Trying to act as if you have another hair color requires immense effort and resources and might damage your hair - think of a dark brown-haired person trying to appear blonde and have nobody notice.
You have to continuously dye so people won't see roots. That will damage your hair really badly. You will have to bleach your pubes. Either shave or bleach all your body hair. Your eye-brows. And even then: if you have darker skin, people will doubt blonde is your real hair color, because they know it's a rare (or impossible) combination. Also, bleached hair never has the variety of color tones natural hair has. For blondes, single hairs can be reddish, light brown, really white blonde etc, and it's the mix that makes blonde.
You can never pass as a natural blonde when you bleach your hair unless people are inattentive. Yet no one complains about someole being a brunette controling them...
I feel that is also true for being autistic. It requires enormous effort to appear NT, it will never be perfect or natural, and it is very damaging to your mental health.