this post was submitted on 15 Sep 2023
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Using a throwaway for this: I was beaten so badly by one of my abusers that my blood was splattered all over the living room wall and my shirt. This happened when I was 12, on Super Bowl Sunday, in the middle of the game. The abuser and I were arguing over something trivial when that thing attacked, and well ๐ The other adults in the room sided with the abuser and one of them made me change my bloody shirt so they could throw it away to hide the evidence. It was the moment when, as a kid, I realized I was truly alone and not wanted by anyone or anything, so I tried to kill myself a week later, on Valentine's Day. I backed off at the last second. I doubt there'll ever be a time I can talk or even think about it without feeling pain or hurt or wanting to cry.
I am not alone in the world anymore though, thankfully. Nowadays I have good friends in my life whom I can rely on for protection and help and whom I try to protect and help in kind. But that'll always stick with me. The family you have in life is the one you build, not the group of people you're born into.
glad to hear you're doing better :)
Amen to your final statement. A lot of people forgive family for heinous injustice because "they're family" or time passed. You need to hold people accountable for their actions and have your opinions change accordingly.
Your abusers committed terrible atrocities to you and I'm glad they don't even deserve their familial title in your description. I'm glad you have new family that deserve being considered as such.
Agreed! One of my favorite quotes has always been the old "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". We don't get to choose who are family is, but we do get to choose who are friends and those close to us are.
Just like with everyone else in my life, I hold my family to the "Respect is earned, not given" stance - not sure how I feel about the wording of that quote because it sounds like I'm saying that I'm crappy to people by default which isn't the case. Rather, I'm not going to fight to have a relationship with some of my family members if they aren't going to try to put in the effort themselves to meet me halfway.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Getting through that kind of childhood shows an incredible amount of strength and bravery. I'm really glad you're doing better now. I definitely agree with that last part, blood doesn't make family, the family you've built for yourself is lucky to have you.
So sorry to hear about that, no child should have to go through that. The strength you had to overcome all that is amazing. Hope the very best for you โค๏ธ.