Relationship Advice

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Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!

The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.

Please make sure you read our rules before posting.

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Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.

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Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.

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Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.

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Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.

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As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115

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Related communities:

Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world

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My last and important question..He has his family and friends, while I'm left alone trying to heal. How do I rebuild my life after losing myself in a relationship? (self.relationship_advice)

submitted 2 weeks ago* by Rush to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world

9 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my story and share their perspectives. I'm genuinely struggling to make sense of everything, and your responses have helped me reflect on things I couldn't understand on my own.

But Was emotionally cheating on me really necessary? If he wanted to explore other girls or experience life outside our relationship, why couldn't he just be honest with me and end things instead of keeping me emotionally attached with promises of love and a future together? I could have been heartbroken, but at least I would have had the truth and the choice to walk away. What hurts the most is that he kept reassuring me that I was the person he wanted to spend his life with, only for me to discover that he was exploring other possibilities behind my back.

I know I wasn't perfect. I was emotionally dependent on him and sometimes struggled to give him space, partly because he had threatened to leave me so many times before. I keep wondering whether things would have been different if I had handled my anxiety better. But I also wonder whether I'm blaming myself for choices that were entirely his responsibility.

One more thing I wanted to share is that this relationship has really affected my self esteem. I've started doubting myself and feeling like I'm not good enough. Sometimes I suddenly start crying or feeling anxious, and I find myself punishing myself emotionally for things that happened in the relationship. I've even started avoiding mirrors because looking at my face or body makes me question my worth. I know this isn't healthy, but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. It's like his choices have somehow made me question my own worth, even though I know I tried my best to love him...

About cheating.....He bought Bumble Premium, talked to 6 ...7 girls, put up a bio saying he was looking for a long term relationship, shared his photos and contact details (Instagram and Telegram) with them, and entertained some girls' sexual fantasies while he was still with me....nd behaving loving but slightly distant like less phone calls nd all....My hands still tremble whenever I remember seeing the photos of the girls he was talking to when I opened his phone.

My exams are near, and I feel like I've lost myself completely. I don't even have any hobbies to distract myself with.

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[–] Sin_adornos@lemmy.world [B] 0 points 5 days ago

You keep asking why he didn't just tell you and end it, and that question does have an answer, just not the one you're hoping for. Telling you would have cost him something. Keeping you attached cost him nothing. That's most of it.

The move worth naming: you're waiting for his reason to give you permission to grieve. Like once it makes sense you'll be allowed to put it down. It won't make sense, and you don't need permission.

One more thing, because you asked it yourself and then moved past it. His threats to leave and your anxiety are in the same breath in your own telling, and only one of those is yours to explain.

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