This is gonna piss some people (men) off, I can already tell...

This is an excellent point and I think it demonstrates really well what people mean by "all men"

Even tho I love men as much as the next straight girl...bear for me, please

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[–] 19 points 11 hours ago (4 children)

I feel you on the man = bad issue, I really do. I've got a young son that is entering a phase where subtlety around this subject is a must because I don't want him to internalize all men are bad.

For what it's worth, the women I speak with about this absolutely understand and can delve into detail why it isn't "all men". Even here in this discussion thread, there's a lot of nuance. It's just that the imbalance between the genders is so vast when it comes to sexual assault and rape that it feels dismissive when men say their feelings are hurt because the conversation is about men standing up to other men to protect others.

The goal isn't to hurt men's feelings. It's to push them to action to help reduce our rape culture. Work with us to reduce the amount of violence against women that is perpetuated by the actual bad men.

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  • [–] 11 points 10 hours ago (3 children)

    For sure, I absolutely get and support that full stop. Trans men just often get caught in the discourse (if we’re not ‘choosing’ to be men to escape misogyny then we’re sexists with unconditional male privilege in all aspects of our life, which is something I wish my doctors believed lol), and people are kind of uncomfortable with accepting that many of us have been targets and victims of misogyny while also being men. It’s a fucking mess and it feels like fighting uphill in the mud to try to bring it up without upsetting multiple groups of people (including some trans men!) and just making the situation worse. And that’s basically been my experience for the past 15+ years of transition.

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  • [–] 9 points 9 hours ago (1 child)

    I can tell you that even as a cis man I have had to deal with the patriarchy/misogyny trying to pigeonhole me. I won’t pretend like it’s even close to what women or trans men deal with, but there is a ton of policing around masculinity.

    I think a big reason why men like sports so much is it’s one of the few socially permissible areas for them to show any emotions outside of anger.

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  • Yeah, I get that, too.

    As a cis man that constantly tries to be a better person and that has already worked a lot on toxic masculinity issues (trust me, my mindsed was so fucked up towards women and feminism when I was like 12 years old or so 💀) and all that, is really hard to live up with people 24/7 trying to make me feel bad and the cause of all of world's evils just because I'm a cis man, and when I call that on them, then they do that rhetoric move where "if you're defending yourself, then you're giving me reason", while not understanding how do live like that feels. Fortunately they're not a majority, but are really noisy (and most of them are TERFs, too, and HVW, suspicious).

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