▲ 281 ▼ I sincerely request that you step away from the keyboard until after valentines day (thelemmy.club) submitted 20 hours ago by pelespirit@sh.itjust.works [M] to c/whitepeopletwitter@sh.itjust.works 91 comments fedilink hide all child comments
[–] DickFiasco@sh.itjust.works 110 points 19 hours ago (23 children) Why are HOAs so obsessed with "consistency"? permalink fedilink source hideshow 23 child comments replies: [–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 103 points 18 hours ago (1 child) It's a euphemism for "control". permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 14 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) Well and sometimes control is good, right? Like if it's an apartment building where the units are owned by the tenants or condos or even row houses it helps to have an established self governed organization of some kind to keep ground rules for shared walls / roofs at the very least. And even in fully separate housing it can help if there are shared community areas like a clubhouse, pool, playground, etc. There are two main problems though: First of all, self governance requires active participation of at least most but ideally all members. You run into that same problem with any kind of self governance and that's how even very good things like unions can get a bad reputation. If you don't actively participate in union discussions they can easily be corrupted and wind up as an even more insidious control tactic by the employer. The second problem is specific to the history of HOAs in the United States. The concept itself was fundamentally started as a way to discourage racially integrated residential areas, then extended to discourage other types of minorities. Yes you see HOAs focusing on petty things like door color but more importantly you'll see them pushing other, more insidious restrictions. When you place restrictions on outdoor decorations you're often restricting specific religious and cultural traditions. If you're only allowed to put up lights within a certain window surrounding Christmas, you're pressuring people to not observe holidays with light displays that occur at other times of the year. When you restrict the amount of unmarried adults in a house you're pushing out poor people who need roommates and and cultures that live generationally, as well as homosexuals in areas where they're not allowed to get married / claim marital privileges. So while there are some practical benefits, the history of HOAs requires highly active and intentional participation from everyone involved to overcome the dark history of the concept and there are very few situations in which that's worth it, especially in a community where the houses are not physically connected. permalink fedilink source parent [–] Bitflip@lemmy.ml 17 points 18 hours ago (16 children) Its another excuse to dull out fines permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 16 child comments replies: [–] jjagaimo@sh.itjust.works 40 points 18 hours ago (15 children) dole To give out, especially in portions or shares; allot or distribute. Often used with out: synonym: distribute. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 15 child comments replies: [+] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone -8 points 15 hours ago* (4 children) [removed by mod] permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 4 child comments replies: [–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works [S, M] 5 points 13 hours ago (1 child) Go after the argument, not the user. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 hours ago Honestly fair permalink fedilink source parent [–] Serinus@lemmy.world 16 points 14 hours ago (1 child) Oh no — education! permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] perishthethought@piefed.social 3 points 13 hours ago I conquer. permalink fedilink source parent [+] Bitflip@lemmy.ml -39 points 17 hours ago (8 children) I keep forgetting to never interact on here. Thanks for reminding me. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 8 child comments replies: [–] starik@lemmy.today 5 points 7 hours ago* “Ohh, why do I even bother?” permalink fedilink source parent [–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 12 points 13 hours ago (3 children) probably for the best, it doesn't seem to be working for you permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 3 child comments replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 8 hours ago (2 children) Don't be an ass permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 2 child comments replies: [–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 4 points 8 hours ago (1 child) but I'm so good at it..... why you gotta take that away? permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 5 hours ago Find another passion permalink fedilink source parent [–] snooggums@piefed.world 8 points 16 hours ago* I appreciate it when someone lets me know that I'm doing something wrong and how I can do it right in the future in a concise and helpful way. Why do you hate learning? permalink fedilink source parent [–] wyldrstallyns@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 point 12 hours ago Byeee permalink fedilink source parent [+] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone -1 points 8 hours ago [deleted] permalink fedilink source parent [+] riskable@programming.dev -15 points 17 hours ago [removed by mod] permalink fedilink source parent [–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works [S] 9 points 19 hours ago It's a safe way to live. permalink fedilink source parent [+] MsPenguinette@lemmy.world 0 points 18 hours ago (2 children) [removed by mod] permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 2 child comments replies: [–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 3 points 16 hours ago* That specific symptom is actually more consistent with something called obsessive compulsive personality disorder which has some overlap with OCD the anxiety disorder but usually presents with less bizarre obsession-compulsion links and usually less insight, because usually nothing they're doing is overtly nonsensical. The maladaptive / disordered aspect is more that they're allowing their obsession with rules to impact their relationship or even impose actively harmful restrictions on the people around them. permalink fedilink source parent [+] daychilde@lemmy.world 1 point 17 hours ago* [deleted] permalink fedilink source parent
[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 103 points 18 hours ago (1 child) It's a euphemism for "control". permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 14 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) Well and sometimes control is good, right? Like if it's an apartment building where the units are owned by the tenants or condos or even row houses it helps to have an established self governed organization of some kind to keep ground rules for shared walls / roofs at the very least. And even in fully separate housing it can help if there are shared community areas like a clubhouse, pool, playground, etc. There are two main problems though: First of all, self governance requires active participation of at least most but ideally all members. You run into that same problem with any kind of self governance and that's how even very good things like unions can get a bad reputation. If you don't actively participate in union discussions they can easily be corrupted and wind up as an even more insidious control tactic by the employer. The second problem is specific to the history of HOAs in the United States. The concept itself was fundamentally started as a way to discourage racially integrated residential areas, then extended to discourage other types of minorities. Yes you see HOAs focusing on petty things like door color but more importantly you'll see them pushing other, more insidious restrictions. When you place restrictions on outdoor decorations you're often restricting specific religious and cultural traditions. If you're only allowed to put up lights within a certain window surrounding Christmas, you're pressuring people to not observe holidays with light displays that occur at other times of the year. When you restrict the amount of unmarried adults in a house you're pushing out poor people who need roommates and and cultures that live generationally, as well as homosexuals in areas where they're not allowed to get married / claim marital privileges. So while there are some practical benefits, the history of HOAs requires highly active and intentional participation from everyone involved to overcome the dark history of the concept and there are very few situations in which that's worth it, especially in a community where the houses are not physically connected. permalink fedilink source parent
[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 14 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) Well and sometimes control is good, right? Like if it's an apartment building where the units are owned by the tenants or condos or even row houses it helps to have an established self governed organization of some kind to keep ground rules for shared walls / roofs at the very least. And even in fully separate housing it can help if there are shared community areas like a clubhouse, pool, playground, etc. There are two main problems though: First of all, self governance requires active participation of at least most but ideally all members. You run into that same problem with any kind of self governance and that's how even very good things like unions can get a bad reputation. If you don't actively participate in union discussions they can easily be corrupted and wind up as an even more insidious control tactic by the employer. The second problem is specific to the history of HOAs in the United States. The concept itself was fundamentally started as a way to discourage racially integrated residential areas, then extended to discourage other types of minorities. Yes you see HOAs focusing on petty things like door color but more importantly you'll see them pushing other, more insidious restrictions. When you place restrictions on outdoor decorations you're often restricting specific religious and cultural traditions. If you're only allowed to put up lights within a certain window surrounding Christmas, you're pressuring people to not observe holidays with light displays that occur at other times of the year. When you restrict the amount of unmarried adults in a house you're pushing out poor people who need roommates and and cultures that live generationally, as well as homosexuals in areas where they're not allowed to get married / claim marital privileges. So while there are some practical benefits, the history of HOAs requires highly active and intentional participation from everyone involved to overcome the dark history of the concept and there are very few situations in which that's worth it, especially in a community where the houses are not physically connected. permalink fedilink source parent
[–] Bitflip@lemmy.ml 17 points 18 hours ago (16 children) Its another excuse to dull out fines permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 16 child comments replies: [–] jjagaimo@sh.itjust.works 40 points 18 hours ago (15 children) dole To give out, especially in portions or shares; allot or distribute. Often used with out: synonym: distribute. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 15 child comments replies: [+] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone -8 points 15 hours ago* (4 children) [removed by mod] permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 4 child comments replies: [–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works [S, M] 5 points 13 hours ago (1 child) Go after the argument, not the user. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 hours ago Honestly fair permalink fedilink source parent [–] Serinus@lemmy.world 16 points 14 hours ago (1 child) Oh no — education! permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] perishthethought@piefed.social 3 points 13 hours ago I conquer. permalink fedilink source parent [+] Bitflip@lemmy.ml -39 points 17 hours ago (8 children) I keep forgetting to never interact on here. Thanks for reminding me. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 8 child comments replies: [–] starik@lemmy.today 5 points 7 hours ago* “Ohh, why do I even bother?” permalink fedilink source parent [–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 12 points 13 hours ago (3 children) probably for the best, it doesn't seem to be working for you permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 3 child comments replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 8 hours ago (2 children) Don't be an ass permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 2 child comments replies: [–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 4 points 8 hours ago (1 child) but I'm so good at it..... why you gotta take that away? permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 5 hours ago Find another passion permalink fedilink source parent [–] snooggums@piefed.world 8 points 16 hours ago* I appreciate it when someone lets me know that I'm doing something wrong and how I can do it right in the future in a concise and helpful way. Why do you hate learning? permalink fedilink source parent [–] wyldrstallyns@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 point 12 hours ago Byeee permalink fedilink source parent [+] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone -1 points 8 hours ago [deleted] permalink fedilink source parent [+] riskable@programming.dev -15 points 17 hours ago [removed by mod] permalink fedilink source parent
[–] jjagaimo@sh.itjust.works 40 points 18 hours ago (15 children) dole To give out, especially in portions or shares; allot or distribute. Often used with out: synonym: distribute. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 15 child comments replies: [+] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone -8 points 15 hours ago* (4 children) [removed by mod] permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 4 child comments replies: [–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works [S, M] 5 points 13 hours ago (1 child) Go after the argument, not the user. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 hours ago Honestly fair permalink fedilink source parent [–] Serinus@lemmy.world 16 points 14 hours ago (1 child) Oh no — education! permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] perishthethought@piefed.social 3 points 13 hours ago I conquer. permalink fedilink source parent [+] Bitflip@lemmy.ml -39 points 17 hours ago (8 children) I keep forgetting to never interact on here. Thanks for reminding me. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 8 child comments replies: [–] starik@lemmy.today 5 points 7 hours ago* “Ohh, why do I even bother?” permalink fedilink source parent [–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 12 points 13 hours ago (3 children) probably for the best, it doesn't seem to be working for you permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 3 child comments replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 8 hours ago (2 children) Don't be an ass permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 2 child comments replies: [–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 4 points 8 hours ago (1 child) but I'm so good at it..... why you gotta take that away? permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 5 hours ago Find another passion permalink fedilink source parent [–] snooggums@piefed.world 8 points 16 hours ago* I appreciate it when someone lets me know that I'm doing something wrong and how I can do it right in the future in a concise and helpful way. Why do you hate learning? permalink fedilink source parent [–] wyldrstallyns@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 point 12 hours ago Byeee permalink fedilink source parent [+] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone -1 points 8 hours ago [deleted] permalink fedilink source parent [+] riskable@programming.dev -15 points 17 hours ago [removed by mod] permalink fedilink source parent
[+] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone -8 points 15 hours ago* (4 children) [removed by mod] permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 4 child comments replies: [–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works [S, M] 5 points 13 hours ago (1 child) Go after the argument, not the user. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 hours ago Honestly fair permalink fedilink source parent [–] Serinus@lemmy.world 16 points 14 hours ago (1 child) Oh no — education! permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] perishthethought@piefed.social 3 points 13 hours ago I conquer. permalink fedilink source parent
[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works [S, M] 5 points 13 hours ago (1 child) Go after the argument, not the user. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 hours ago Honestly fair permalink fedilink source parent
[–] Serinus@lemmy.world 16 points 14 hours ago (1 child) Oh no — education! permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] perishthethought@piefed.social 3 points 13 hours ago I conquer. permalink fedilink source parent
[+] Bitflip@lemmy.ml -39 points 17 hours ago (8 children) I keep forgetting to never interact on here. Thanks for reminding me. permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 8 child comments replies: [–] starik@lemmy.today 5 points 7 hours ago* “Ohh, why do I even bother?” permalink fedilink source parent [–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 12 points 13 hours ago (3 children) probably for the best, it doesn't seem to be working for you permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 3 child comments replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 8 hours ago (2 children) Don't be an ass permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 2 child comments replies: [–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 4 points 8 hours ago (1 child) but I'm so good at it..... why you gotta take that away? permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 5 hours ago Find another passion permalink fedilink source parent [–] snooggums@piefed.world 8 points 16 hours ago* I appreciate it when someone lets me know that I'm doing something wrong and how I can do it right in the future in a concise and helpful way. Why do you hate learning? permalink fedilink source parent [–] wyldrstallyns@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 point 12 hours ago Byeee permalink fedilink source parent [+] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone -1 points 8 hours ago [deleted] permalink fedilink source parent
[–] starik@lemmy.today 5 points 7 hours ago* “Ohh, why do I even bother?” permalink fedilink source parent
[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 12 points 13 hours ago (3 children) probably for the best, it doesn't seem to be working for you permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 3 child comments replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 8 hours ago (2 children) Don't be an ass permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 2 child comments replies: [–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 4 points 8 hours ago (1 child) but I'm so good at it..... why you gotta take that away? permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 5 hours ago Find another passion permalink fedilink source parent
[–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 8 hours ago (2 children) Don't be an ass permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 2 child comments replies: [–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 4 points 8 hours ago (1 child) but I'm so good at it..... why you gotta take that away? permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 5 hours ago Find another passion permalink fedilink source parent
[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 4 points 8 hours ago (1 child) but I'm so good at it..... why you gotta take that away? permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 1 child comment replies: [–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 5 hours ago Find another passion permalink fedilink source parent
[–] snooggums@piefed.world 8 points 16 hours ago* I appreciate it when someone lets me know that I'm doing something wrong and how I can do it right in the future in a concise and helpful way. Why do you hate learning? permalink fedilink source parent
[+] riskable@programming.dev -15 points 17 hours ago [removed by mod] permalink fedilink source parent
[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works [S] 9 points 19 hours ago It's a safe way to live. permalink fedilink source parent
[+] MsPenguinette@lemmy.world 0 points 18 hours ago (2 children) [removed by mod] permalink fedilink source parent hideshow 2 child comments replies: [–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 3 points 16 hours ago* That specific symptom is actually more consistent with something called obsessive compulsive personality disorder which has some overlap with OCD the anxiety disorder but usually presents with less bizarre obsession-compulsion links and usually less insight, because usually nothing they're doing is overtly nonsensical. The maladaptive / disordered aspect is more that they're allowing their obsession with rules to impact their relationship or even impose actively harmful restrictions on the people around them. permalink fedilink source parent [+] daychilde@lemmy.world 1 point 17 hours ago* [deleted] permalink fedilink source parent
[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 3 points 16 hours ago* That specific symptom is actually more consistent with something called obsessive compulsive personality disorder which has some overlap with OCD the anxiety disorder but usually presents with less bizarre obsession-compulsion links and usually less insight, because usually nothing they're doing is overtly nonsensical. The maladaptive / disordered aspect is more that they're allowing their obsession with rules to impact their relationship or even impose actively harmful restrictions on the people around them. permalink fedilink source parent