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intro/confused ?? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 2 days ago by to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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I'm typing this while sitting in a skirt and knee socks that i bought for myself. Something I never thought I would/could do. And I'm honestly kind of liking it.

I let my curly hair kinda puff up a little and even put on some cat ears. If I cover my face and moustache with a leftover covid mask I almost... almost? could look feminine? And I like that for some reason.

Maybe I could be a woman and enjoy it???

sorry I am a little weed high so i may ramble a bit.

i never post pics of myself but this is a sanitized alt so i don't think I can be identified at all, what do you think?

the knee socks are supposed to be thigh highs but i am a tall mf and i got amazon'ed lol

anyway i already made a meme to share so see you in !egg_irl@lemmy.blahaj.zone in like 4 minutes lol

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[–] [S] 3 points 2 days ago (7 children)

i guess it is quite a long journey huh

the emotional suppression part is probably the worst. i'm already used to bottling up everything until i don't feel it bc autism and i can't process it any other way. allowing myself to enjoy this without feeling anxious is a fuckin long ways off i'm sure but it's a start and i'm glad i'm not alone

i've been in my own house for like 4 hours now just, hanging out in the skirt and it feels so nice. i gotta do this more often.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 days ago (5 children)

    The emotional part is why I'll always advocate for trying estrogen early on. I know it's maybe a lot for where you are now - personally I was scared/unsure of the physical effects (before I decided I wanted them). It turns out the physical changes are actually really slow and you have tons of time to decide if it's right for you. Mentally though it's a huge positive difference, though. By far the best antidepressant I've tried. It lets you actually feel your feelings.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 day ago (2 children)

    Huh, I didn't know that hrt would change your "brain feel" that much. Is it like one of those thing where if you take low dose for like a week you can notice the difference? Or is it like a month or more. I've always struggled with the low motivation/brain fog kinda stuff, and feeling just kinda numb/not present, and never thought that hormones could change that...

    I'd probably have to find some black market to see if it's right becuase I doubt any providers in my local shithole would ever get me any. And I don't want to go through the American medical system any more than I have to these days....

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 child)

    Huh, I didn’t know that hrt would change your “brain feel” that much. Is it like one of those thing where if you take low dose for like a week you can notice the difference?

    yeah absolutely. i've taken finasteride for like 9 months (link) and the net effect of it is that it basically blocks the effects that testosterone has on your body, to a certain extent.

    the biggest changes that i could actually immediately observe within a few hours were mood changes. i felt like i could think and perceive the world around me in ways that i couldn't do before. especially, it has improved my mood by a lot (well, it started with a whole lot of crying and reflecting on past life experiences in general, but after that i felt really good in a sustainable way and still do). that's actually been the first and most impressive effect for me, and sets on about T+2 hours after taking the pill (T=0), i'd say, and lasts till about T+6 hours roughly.

    other effects i could observe are better smell (my skin smells better, not my nose works better) (about 3 days to 2 weeks after starting) and softer skin (2 - 4 weeks i'd say). i did get mild chest growth but it was very mild (i might have AA or A cup now)

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 21 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

    Thats cool. I see in the wiki link that it can lead to negative mental effects in cis men... So that would pretty definitively prove if I'm trans if I could get my hands on some if it had a positive effect instead lol.

    Thank you <3

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  • [–] 1 point 1 day ago*

    It turns out the physical changes are actually really slow and you have tons of time to decide if it’s right for you.

    i'd just like to add that the exact physical changes can vary a bit from person to person. i've taken estrogen twice last week (a friend offered it to me) and i could already feel my boobs grow a few days later (a kind of throbbing feeling in the boobs, but no physical changes were visible).

    Mentally though it’s a huge positive difference, though. By far the best antidepressant I’ve tried. It lets you actually feel your feelings.

    and i agree that this is an effect i can observe as well when taking finasteride, which suppresses some effects of testosterone; so i suspect it's actually more about the testosterone suppression that does this than the estrogen levels themselves? at least that's my guess. because i could feel no such change when i took estrogen on top of that.

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  • [–] 2 points 2 days ago

    i do want to chime in and dampen expectations a bit - as with most things related to HRT, your mileage may vary. this point in particular fucked me over quite a bit; i ended up doing multiple "trial runs" on E (before finally sticking with it) because i went into it expecting i'd see mental changes within a few weeks and never noticed anything, leaving me more uncertain than when i started. at this point it's been nearly a year since i fully committed to HRT, and only now am i starting to get the very first hints of the mental changes other people have described getting within weeks.

    not saying that it's a bad idea, more that even if you don't notice anything immediately doesn't necessarily mean it's not for you :)

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  • [–] 3 points 2 days ago

    I'm unsure if I have autism but I very much relate to being unable to process emotions, it took a while but for me I built up a record of how I was feeling/what I did, and when that was in relation to other things. That helped me attribute bad feelings to masculine stuff (body/facial hair, boy clothes, etc. etc.), and then good feelings to the opposite of that, that's a very surface level explanation but you should definitely keep trying new things!

    Exploring helps a lot, and to focus on the good more than the bad, especially at this stage due to repression. Good luck with it all.

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