you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 21 points 2 weeks ago* (3 children)

Surely there would be a number of different motivations and it can be difficult to tell when an interest in something is genuinely "surface-level" unless you have that interest yourself, so I don't know if I'd label this as a single broad phenomenon. I also don't know whether I'd label "suddenly getting into something new" as a guy thing as opposed to just something that I guess stands out more when guys do it. Heck, who knows if it's even something they "never showed interest in before" versus just something you never noticed them taking interest in before, or they just didn't tell you in particular, or they did tell you and you just forgot? I'm thinking about all the times when people are like "you never showed signs of being trans", but actually you showed plenty, it's just that the possibility of being trans is so far outside of the cis brain that even the eggiest of behavior goes right over their heads. It can be the same for interests/hobbies, especially if people are worried about being judged as cringe for it.

Not to ascribe motivations to people I don't know, but if I heard about somebody in my life suddenly converting from atheism to Islam without consulting anybody in their life about it first, then I'd have to wonder if the person was experiencing psychosis. This isn't to say that people can't genuinely convert from atheism to a religion, but when that conversion is particularly sudden and accompanied by erratic and irresponsible behavior such as converting without telling your partner of ten years, then the total change of worldview to start believing in supernatural forces becomes a bit concerning. For people who take a sudden interest in the Roman Empire, my first thought would be that it's a cryptofascist red flag, that the interest is surface-level because it's more of an aesthetic-based dogwhistle than anything, and actual scholarly knowledge of the Roman Empire would be counterproductive to the fascist worldview. Which isn't to say that it's impossible to take an interest in the Roman Empire in a non-fashy way, just that I'd approach with much caution. As for otherkin, then that's a subculture that skews very autistic, and I would know a thing or two about letting my life suddenly get consumed by a new autistic interest.

All of this based on people I've known who converted to Islam, got into the Roman Empire, or were otherkin, although a few anecdotal experiences aren't enough to speak for people as a whole. As I'm saying, there are many different motivations behind why people might suddenly change so much, so we should try to be less judgmental on the whole. Even in the cases where it genuinely is just somebody deciding to become a Different Cooler Guy for the sake of being a Different Cooler Guy, then should we really be judging people for finding ways to experiment with their identity? Maybe you'll feel some second-hand embarrassment from seeing somebody's seventieth Guy 2.0 debut, but the state of being alive in general is a phase, so why should we devalue the sub-phases that life contains? The problem with suddenly deciding to wear a leather jacket is the leather part, not the change in wardrobe. To be cringe is to be free!

I dunno.


christmas-crab-legs You should watch SPARKLE ON RAVEN: The Life of DrillGirl; it is a very good show. {Cēterum|Furthermore} {cēnseō|I think} {iūs auctōris|copyright} {esse dēlendum|must be destroyed}.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 3 child comments
  • [–] 12 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

    Oh I've done it before and yeha I was being glib. I'm cringe too and have also gone through phases. My anecdotal experience though is that I kinda had myself figured out at 13, when I thought my gender and sexuality were different than everyone else and also I really like hardcore punk music/fashion, and that I wanna be vegan.

    Then I spent a long time trying to stop being those things because I thought they were just cringe things from my youth that I needed to grow past. So I adopted a bunch of fake surface identities and tried to compensate for their fakeness by overdoing it. Now I'm well into middle age and I'm very confidently a nonbinary asexual vegan who dresses in chains and black eyeliner and I've never been more chill with myself. My original read on myself at 13 was correct and the actual immature thing I was doing was trying to be someone else.

    I know that's not everyone's experience, but that's been the experience of a lot of people I've known who go through the cycles of adopting personas suddenly. I guess what I'm not judging is changing interests, or having a niche identity, or even when it's done by guys. But I do kinda get wary of people who very suddenly shift themselves in a way they think will be interesting, when really they're just adopting a persona for the sake of it. I've also known people who converted to religions out of nowhere and then didn't actually do stuff like read the Torah/Bible/Quran but would try to speak authoritatively on religious matters as if they were an insider. I don't like that kinda thing, when people try to confidently claim something that's actually very superficial and they just started last week.

    Stuff like coming out as trans though I'd consider different, because that's still often not a safe thing to do. Like I came out as asexual to family and even that didn't go well, even though being asexual doesn't have nearly the same level of persecution or threat as other identities. So something like that is usually gonna have to be sudden because you gotta find a safe moment, safe person to come out to.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] 5 points 2 weeks ago

    Very good comment, thank you. I figured there was some context I was missing. I have to wonder if people might be referring to different things when they talk about having figured themselves out, because either my own case is very similar to yours ("hmm I sure spend a lot of time thinking about being a girl and kissing boys… oh well, I'm sure that's not significant! just teenage hormones or something! let's not give into those fantasies under any circumstances!" i-love-not-thinking) or it's completely dissimilar, because I wouldn't say I have myself figured out even now that I'm in my mid-20s.


    christmas-crab-legs You should watch SPARKLE ON RAVEN: The Life of DrillGirl; it is a very good show. {Cēterum|Furthermore} {cēnseō|I think} {iūs auctōris|copyright} {esse dēlendum|must be destroyed}.

  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 2 points 2 weeks ago

    I've also known people who converted to religions out of nowhere and then didn't actually do stuff like read the Torah/Bible/Quran but would try to speak authoritatively on religious matters as if they were an insider. I don't like that kinda thing, when people try to confidently claim something that's actually very superficial and they just started last week.

    i kind of agree but i also don't think this necessarily means it's an entirely superficial thing. taking the example of being trans it's not at all uncommon for trans people who've recently come out to speak about things in a way that makes it clear they have only a superficial understanding of them. that's not because their transness isn't deeply rooted or anything, they just don't have the experience of having lived in that long enough to have gained a better understanding

  • source
  • parent