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This is a safe space post your least funny jokes and everyone will laugh I promise (hexbear.net)
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by to c/badposting@hexbear.net
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I swear bro just trust me watch I'll go first

My wife calls me DADDY in the bedroom because she's programmed by a pornography addiction to think that's what men want and we haven't gotten to that in therapy yet because we have bigger and more pressing issues and I'm patiently working through the process.

See? It was an anti joke. You thought there was going to be a punchline but it was actually a sad commentary on social issues with a silver lining that we're communicating through our issues with healthy methods and trained professionals! And then, get this, I overexplained the joke, which is legendarily not a funny thing to do, but I reiterate, this is a SAFE SPACE where everyone is going to LAUGH, and we're all cool here and wouldn't make a liar out of me in front of all my friends, right? kitty-cri

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[–] 4 points 1 day ago (1 child)

So guy takes his pet monkey into a bar. The monkey is jumping all around being a menace. The bartender sees the monkey jump on the pool table, grab the cue ball and swallow it whole. Bartender kicks the guy out, the guy apologizes profusely and promises to not come back until the monkey is better trained.

Well, a week later the guy comes back with his pet monkey, the pet monkey is acting like it did before. Just swinging around and making a ruckus. The bartender watches as the monkey jumps onto the bar, grabs a maraschino cherry, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is horrified, and yells at the guy " what the hell is wrong with your monkey?"

The guy replies "after the cue ball, he measures everything first."

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