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The annoying dad (thelemmy.club)
submitted 23 hours ago by to c/wholesome@reddthat.com
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[–] 203 points 23 hours ago (29 children)

I mean it is wholesome that dad would do that.

But if you find yourself in situations where you might need an escape like this that often that you make this kind of deal, you might reconsider your friend group because that's an unhealthy relationship.

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  • [–] 127 points 23 hours ago (8 children)

    Children literally have not had the experience to recognize these situations, their brains aren't fully developed, and aren't fully in charge of their own lives. I agree that if you're doing this often then you may want to have a conversation about how it keeps happening, but it's much better for a kid to feel like they have a safety net. Otherwise they may stick in the shady situation and end up in more trouble

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  • [–] 13 points 21 hours ago (7 children)

    I agree with you but the human brain is constantly developing throughout our lives. It's never fully developed.

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  • [–] 8 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

    It never stops changing, but there is a significant freeze around 25. From about 12-25 there are massive changes to the brain. It also coincides with them first gaining true freedom, and learning the pros and cons of that.

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  • [–] 4 points 5 hours ago (1 child)

    There was a study that stopped checking for rapid development at 25. They didn't show a "significant freeze" at 25, they just didn't gather any data after that.

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  • [–] 4 points 4 hours ago

    It's been a while, but I thought a follow-up study found it tapered off by around 23-25. The brain never stops changing, but the explosive changes of puberty also continue for longer than expected.

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  • [–] 3 points 16 hours ago

    Maybe, but it's definitely true that the frontal lobes are typically significantly underdeveloped in the under-25s, resulting in impulsive behaviour with less caution and poorer long term decision making.

    There's a time in your life when headlessly jumping out of the nest is absolutely the order of the day, and it's late teens and early twenties.

    Having a safety net isn't a bad thing at this point, at all.

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  • [–] 41 points 20 hours ago* (5 children)

    So I was a kid who was goofy and hung out with gamer kids. One LAN party the kids from the other high school showed up and we went for a drive.

    I had no idea it was going to happen, but one kid had a handgun and shot out from the moving car window in a residential neighborhood without any warning.

    I probably would have taken my parents up on the offer to bail if I had a code word to do it, but I wasnt about to call my daddy in a car with an unstable kid with a gun to say im scared come get me.

    Tldr its a good thing don't shit on it.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 hour ago

    I had no idea it was going to happen, but one kid had a handgun and shot out from the moving car window in a residential neighborhood without any warning.

    Jesus Christ, do you live in Derry Maine or something? Are we in a Stephen King novel right now?

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  • [–] 8 points 19 hours ago (3 children)

    Oh I'm not saying it isn't.

    But one question, would you still hang out with that one guy, and then make a coded text message with your parents to extract you, in case it happened again?

    Or would you just cut that one guy it off your life?

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  • [–] 16 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

    Emergencies are always best prevented, but it's still best to have a plan in place for them. This is the emergency plan.

    Now, if the kid is routinely invoking it then it's probably time to have a talk about what setting boundaries with friends looks like and offering support if toxic friendships need be ended, but having a code like this figured out in advance is always going to be advisable IMO.

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  • [–] 58 points 21 hours ago (5 children)

    So this sounds like a kid who's in high school, probably 14 or 15. Enough freedom to go off and make mistakes, not old enough to always be able to bail from weird situations (no car or license, just doesn't have the confidence yet to speak up).

    You want your kids to go out and make mistakes, just not ones that have permanent consequences. Having a set up like this is how you let them go get in a little trouble and have a reasonably safe exit plan.

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  • [–] 3 points 10 hours ago (4 children)

    I honestly don't know how I feel about this. I'm yet to be a parent of a teenager but that clock is ticking.

    My initial thought is, by the time my kids are able to get into situations which are "getting weird", I hope they're equipped to extricate themselves without needing this kind of cover call from dad. I mean, what if I didn't check my messages or something?

    I really hope my kids are confident enough to say that they don't feel comfortable with something and just leave.

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  • [–] 4 points 5 hours ago (3 children)

    Been a parent of three, was a teenager myself before the Communication Age. It's good to be honest with your kids that they're going to do dumb shit and you're going to bail them out no matter what. They have to be presented with difficult situations to learn how to respond to them, and knowing that their parents have their back is part of what gives them confidence.

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  • [–] 2 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

    I'm an 80s kid myself.

    My parents were weird Christian types that preferred to believe kids never did anything, but also did not want to spend any time or take any interest with us.

    Consequently we did all sorts of risky stuff and couldn't ask our parents when shit got weird.

    With that background, it's absolutely important to me that my kids know I'll always back them up as you say.

    However, none of that really supports the weird escape code set up in the OP. Does your kid really need an adult to call and take the blame for getting them out of a situation? Or are there a myriad of other better ways your kid could navigate a bad situation.

    I'm sure I'll make loads of mistakes as a parent, so I might fail in this regard, but my hope is that my kid has the confidence to just say they don't want to be a part of something.

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  • [–] 5 points 5 hours ago (1 child)

    So you also remember how fast rumors and gossip would spread without technology. It's a thousand times worse now. As a parent, I'd be happy to play the bad guy if my kid thinks that's the best choice in their social dynamic. They know better than I do what kind of risk of social backlash there might be.

    It's hard to be a kid. Anything that I can do to give them a leg up is okay. I should also mention that that kind of bad guy ploy is only part of it. Talking about situations before and after is a much bigger part.

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  • [–] 72 points 23 hours ago

    eh, its good to have a plan whether or not certain occurances are common.

    I know what to grab (if I can) and where I'm going if my house is on fire because i made a plan. doesn't mean my house catches fire often, just that I'm realistic about possible dangers and how to respond to them.

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  • [–] 46 points 23 hours ago (3 children)

    Not necessarily. It's perfectly possible to have a healthy friendship with someone who has some self destructive habits that you aren't going to hang around for (drugs, alcohol, etc). As an adult, you'd just remove yourself from the situation and not worry about being uncool, but this is a teenager we're talking about.

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  • [–] -3 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

    Agreed, it's good to have a plan, but this was very specific and implied this happened more often.

    If your house burned down regularly, if suggest looking at the fundamental cause, rather than planning on the next occasion.

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  • [–] 12 points 17 hours ago

    But even if your house has never burned down, you should still have a plan for if it does. My wife and I both know what to grab in the case that a fire or carbon monoxide alarm goes off and we need to leave quickly. It's never happened, but you don't want to be in the moment running around panicking because you didn't have a plan.

    It doesn't need to be some crazy detailed thing - something simple like "grab the green folder in the file cabinet" or, like this example, "text me "x" and I'll get you out" will work fine, and will save you when it's needed.

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  • [–] 9 points 19 hours ago

    Have you forgotten what it was like to be a child? Granted maybe age has something to do with it?

    Finding yourself in situations that change is a part of growing up. I'm a fairly quiet 49 year old dude that grew up in the country but at times I found myself with friends drinking and driving, stealing cars, breaking into houses, but also biking around town, playing handegg or playing D&D or NHL 94.

    Point being you couldn't know where the situation might take you because you're not as good at sussing out the bad ones and even if your parents knew would you listen to them? Lol

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