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Have you ever rejected someone's apology? If so, why? And was it the right thing to do? (reddthat.com)
submitted 14 hours ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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[–] -1 points 11 hours ago (7 children)

I'm sorry that you have a find out this way, but you've been scammed.

Self-help books have sold you and your community the idea that abuse is caused by a mental disorder. Unfortunately, the remedy these scams prescribe - identifying people with NPD - doesn't actually protect you from abuse, and it isn't healing.

You won't find healing from your trauma in ableist Reddit communities. See an actual therapist and form positive relationships with people in your community. Not "support groups" that blame all their problems on their abusers' supposed mental disorders and engage in retraumatising. Get a hobby, spend time with friends in the hobby. Join a book club or a bouldering group or a D&D game.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is caused by genetics and child abuse. People with NPD are abuse victims, just like you. There are plenty of mentally healthy, neurotypical abusers in the world. Blaming shit on a vulnerable minority is pseudoscientific and counterproductive.

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  • [–] 3 points 6 hours ago (4 children)

    Regardless of the underlying reasons, narcissistic personality disorder often makes someone a harmful person to be around; the diagnosis is a reason, not an excuse. At the end of the day it's their own responsibility to change their behaviour, and to find a lifestyle that empowers them to exist safely in society without harming others.

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  • [–] 0 points 5 hours ago* (3 children)

    The only diagnostic criteria for NPD that's related to harm is the one that says "interpersonally exploitative behaviour". Since a diagnosis required 5/9 criteria, it was very easy to get diagnosed without that criterion. And now that the DSM-5 is out with the new dimensional model of personality disorders, harming others isn't even a criterion anymore in the up to date model.

    The idea that NPD is defined by harming others is old outdated pseudoscience. Leading experts on personality disorder no longer believe in that stereotype.

    Self help gurus continue to sell you that old lie, because it's profitable. It makes you an easy mark who will buy useless books and stew in your trauma. Never getting better, just buying more.

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  • [–] 0 points 4 hours ago (2 children)

    I'm not talking about diagnostic criteria here.

    You can have a diagnostic criteria of "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy" (direct quote); but that doesn't mention the manifested practical effects of those symptoms often resulting in markedly increased harm to those around them. I'd personally argue that any condition with lack of empathy has a higher chance of leading to abusive behaviours.

    It doesn't surprise me it was removed, though. Diagnosis is usually about the person themselves and how to treat them individually, rather than about anybody else; so it's weird that it was there in the first place. Even antisocial personality disorder has a diagnostic criteria of "egocentrism; self-esteem derived from personal gain, power, or pleasure", which again is talking about the individual across the table not their family at home.

    Interpersonal stuff is more the realm of therapy. Diagnostic criteria is not the full picture of a disorder.

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  • [–] 0 points 4 hours ago (1 child)

    I’d personally argue that any condition with lack of empathy has a higher chance of leading to abusive behaviours.

    Autism is associated with reduced cognitive empathy, which is the ability to intuit others' thoughts. As an autistic being, it's harder for Me to tell what other people are thinking and what they mean to communicate, outside My areas of expertise. But having autism doesn't make Me abusive.

    Another similarity between autism and NPD is the name. Autism is Latin for self-ism. Early psychiatrists believed us ASD folks were preoccupied with ourselves, same with NPD. NPD has had less social progress, so uneducated people still believe that about NPD, even though increased awareness has helped people grow beyond that thinking with ASD.

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  • [–] -1 points 3 hours ago

    So we're just ignoring everything else I wrote and fixating on the subjective personal opinion? Ok then.

    The name doesn't matter; Autism is nothing like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The only thing I can see that overlaps at all is maybe communication difficulties; but again, the practical manifestation of these communication difficulties are extremely different.

    Autism

    Autism, also known as autism spectrum disorder (ASD), is a condition characterized by impairment in social communication and interaction, as well as a need or strong preference for predictability and routine, sensory processing differences, focused interests, or repetitive behaviors.

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder

    Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a complex and heterogeneous personality disorder characterized by patterns of grandiosity, entitlement, low empathy, and interpersonal difficulties, which can manifest as either grandiose ("thick-skinned") or vulnerable ("thin-skinned") forms.

    Grandiose individuals display arrogance, social dominance, and exploitative behaviors, while vulnerable individuals show shame, inferiority, hypersensitivity, and extreme reactions to criticism. NPD often involves impaired emotional empathy, superficial relationships, and difficulty tolerating disagreement.

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  • [–] 1 point 5 hours ago (1 child)

    It's not a good idea to run defense for people who are narcissists when you know nothing about them as a person.

    There are people with NPD who are abusers and horrible people, just like there are people without NPD who are also abusers and horrible people. It's naive to think otherwise.

    Not every single person with NPD is this innocent misunderstood soul who deserves to be coddled in forgiveness and you need to accept that.

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