agenda

Theory: OP isn't a native english speaker and is going through a translator llm. If he's not real then we're doing a good job providing high signal/noise responses to train a medically/psychologically focused llm in another language.

Alright, I'll bite.

My young friend, I'll tell you this: it's perfectly fine to be exactly as you are. As long as you're not hurting anyone with your behavior, you are free to express yourself in any way you like. Be who you want to be and how you want that to look like and you'll gain the respect of others and yourself for living with authenticity.

The ideas and labels and history we have about ourselves, whether we are worthy of love or not, if we're good enough or not, are largely illusionary anyway. They can be very persistent but in the end they are as malleable and ephemeral as any concept. Smoke and mirrors of the mind. You can let these conceptions of yourself lead you through a maze of confusion, twisting this way and that, your whole life, or you can abandon them, climb over the walls of this self constructed maze and be free now.

I guarantee that no matter what you're into, how you present yourself, there is somebody out there that is into it. Don't worry about what some broad spectrum of people might or might not like about you. Instead, judge each situation as it arises and attend to the specifics of that interaction.

When you are younger, you have little personal data collected about life to go off of. As a result, a lot of theories about people and the world are based on idealism, stereotypes and cultural biases and generalisms rather than first hand experience. The reality is that things are not these caricatures that are formed by our grasping minds but way more varied and nuanced.

Sure, there are superficial people in the world, a lot of them, in fact, depending on how their day is going, and you may not be their cup of tea. But over all you'll find that people care way less about you (both in a positive and negative sense) and way more about how you make them feel. All the facts about you are very insubstantial compared to the impact you have on their esteem in your relationships with others.

One of the best developments in my life came when I stopped trying so hard to be a certain person or present myself in a certain way. It seems like the way to success is to be a certain way. I was afraid if I wasn't manly or tough enough that I wouldn't gain others' respect or it would open me up to being attacked. Like you, I had some real life experiences that reinforced this perception. I have lived through certain situations where weakness absolutely would invite the wrong attention from very monstrous people. It very much was a matter of personal safety to be intimidating and to correct other people's opinions on that if they didn't agree. And later that bled into relationships with others. Our entire world view is shaped by key moments in our upbringing. So I thought I had to be a certain way and spent a large chunk of life not feeling I could be any other way. With guys, as well as being macho, or at least without weakness, when dealing with women, too. It was a waste of a life.

But the world is not your abusive upbringing, or a prison, or a reality island dating show, or any other artificial environment. It is vast and varied and filled with people who do not make up a monolith, and you can't please or impress them all. Or even the majority. It's much easier to just be you. Accept others as you would like for yourself and don't cast your pearls before swine. It's important to see the world as it is rather than assuming it is because for survivors of abuse their perceptions are often biased very heavily towards negativity. So stay in therapy.

And one last note about women. While it certainly helps to be... flexible with how you come across with image, and interpersonal vibes, and handling relationships, on the whole most women care way more about you being someone they feel safe with, someone they trust but aren't bored by, than anything else. There are some vague universalities about attraction, but rarely are they absolute or limited to just one thing. For every woman who likes one type of guy, there is another woman that likes something entirely different. And, on the whole, women are way more accepting of variety and their criteria for attraction is different than men's. A lady might be attracted to the manly man neighbor who chats her up while working on his motorcycle and then later her eye turns towards the the gentle warm guy serving her coffee who always has a smile and joke for her.

What ever role you want to play, there is a woman who will go on that journey with you provided you treat her the way she wants to be treated.

In short: You are exactly who you need to be right now. You can always improve how you navigate life but the quality of who you are is exactly right, right now. So just be at ease with that fact. You are worthy, good hearted, and a lovable person. Don't ever forget that.