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Anon questions the epidemic (thelemmy.club)
submitted 6 days ago by [M] to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 34 points 4 days ago (7 children)

Why are we conflating emotional intimacy and sex? They aren't the same thing. The fact that men are often taught that they are the same thing is part of why there is a loneliness epidemic.

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  • [–] 1 point 2 days ago* (3 children)

    because for a horny sad 20 year old they are the only thing that matters in life.

    no mount of companionship will satisfy his desperate need to get laid.

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  • [–] 1 point 2 days ago (2 children)

    See that's the thing - again, need for sex and need for emotional intimacy aren't the same thing. The propaganda that says they are is why those boys are both horny and sad - they're trying to meet two drives at once and failing both because of this misunderstanding. If they were emotionally stable and had community and belongingness, it'd actually be a lot easier for them to get laid and their mental health would also be way better.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 child)

    have you ever been a 20 year old boy?

    do you think any 20 year old boy could conceptualize the difference? part of growing up is learning things.

    it's not propaganda, it's life. nobody at the age of 20 is stable, because they are still figuring out who they are. when i was 20 i had tons of friends and community and all that horse shit, but nothing mattered other than getting sex, because it felt so goddamn good and nothing else remotely compared to sex. it was the most satisfying experience i'd ever had in life at that point and continued to be so until i was like 30. drugs, food, parties, friends, family, none of that mattered a lick compared to the amazing feelings of sex with a girl that I liked. god, to this day those memories are the most strong, far more strong than my 'sense of belonging' at my university... was orgasmic super hard with a hot girl in my bed and laying there with her and spending time with her chilling and banging repeatedly. or studying together and taking fuck breaks every hour or so.

    have of the 'mental health' crisis is just society pathological normal life, as it tightens the noose. you are not allowed to figure shit out anymore, apparent if you're 20 and you aren't full 'communting a belongingness' you're ill and need to be 'fixed' or 'corrected'.

    god i'm in my fucking 40s and all i do is get lectured by semi-strangers irl about how 'problematic' I am for like owning a cat or other totally normal things. Or reading books. or a million other things people have randomly deecided are 'wrong and bad' that 10 years ago nobody cared about.

    you sure the issue is the kids, or the fact the adults judging them are all paranoid perfectionist idiots who worship some ideal that doesn't exist in the real world and to which they are forever comparing themselves and everyone else, in despair? no... that can't be it... it's those stupid boys who are dumb. not us!

    no kids, don't want sex, just want 'belongingness' that will totally... 'fufill' you... lol.. why not just medicate them into oblivion if your end goal is this kumbaya passive bullshit ideal? or castrate them! clearly that will fix their 'problem'.

    i don't know why it's so hard for people to just admit sex is awesome and not having it sucks and it's one of the most joyful experiences in human life and it very much will make you feel less lonely when it's with someone you love and care about. this has become taboo talking point lately though, apparently wanting sex and love makes you an evil person now.... instead of being a default component of the human condition.

    and rather than talk about it we just insist that 'community' will fix it or something... lol

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  • [–] 2 points 4 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

    EXACTLY.

    what these statistics hide is that they dont examine QUALITY OF LIFE , NUMBERR OF RELATIONSHIPS, TYPES OOF RELATIONSHIPS, and THE INSANE RATES OF DEATHS OF DESPAIR AMONGSTT MIDDLE AGED AND SENIOR MEN

    https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10721027/ for this study of Korean middle aged men and women it was found thatt those who met more often wiith theiir friends had higher reported levels of life satisfation . YES for men AND women (and ya ya those who reported being married ALSO had higher reportrd levels of life satisfaction too BUT it sshould be noted that wifdowed people reported even higher levels of life satisfaction than all other adults who were included in the study and currently lived alone)

    About 70-80% of all deaths worldwide from 'Deaths Of Despair' (so that includes deatha from eatting a terrible diet without exercising and dying from a cardiovascular disease, deaths from drunk driving, deaths from deliberate suicide , deaths frrom accidental drug overdoses, deaths from alcohol poisoning, deaths from fatty liver diseases ) were deaths of men per a year since we've started measurinng it. And very much middle aged men.

    Also havent some studies come out showing that people have reported having less friends or rsther less people that they talk to and confide in per a weeek or even per a month than ever before?

    Your spouse is supposed to be one of your friends , ya I gett that. But if you rely on only your spouse as your only friend ? Youre gonna get into A LOOOT of trouble if they eventually divorce from you.

    Edit: We are humans. We NEED friendships. We NEED vulnerability that wont be exploited. We typically suffer from touch starvation after a long enougb time has passed... .

    NEVER let anyome make you hate yourself for your genetics or make you hate yourself , or hate your friends even, for you being a human.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 days ago (1 child)

    Yes, due to a variety of factors, people are more isolated right now than they have ever been throughout history. It's a real problem and since the underlying factors are systemic, it is going to be very difficult to turn around.

    It's not just if your spouse might divorce you, it's that putting all your emotional weight on a single person is 1) destined to cause problems, 2) not actually how human beings are supposed to work. We're highly evolved hypersocial pack predators. Different individuals have different levels of social need, but we do need it. Our brains are wired to hold iirc about 150 people in it for basic socializing - not all of those are going to be deep meaningful friendships, but even the acquaintances help us meet that social need of belonging and acceptance. So many men are essentially taught that their wife is their only emotional outlet, and that showing vulnerability with "the boys" is not acceptable and also possibly dangerous. And then they wonder why they feel unfulfilled - of course they do, you can't put all that on one person, no matter how close you are with them.

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  • [–] 2 points 2 days ago

    I think the problem is both a QUANTITY AND QUALITY prorblem. Modern Men, and honestly this trend has started to extend ti all people of all genders too, are encountering relationships that have decreased in total number AND in intensity.

    Like a person shouldnt be afraid to attempt ro befriend as many locals as possible to increase total number of relationships. but I think that people are becoming more and more isolated or rather more and more hikkikomori like , preferring to rely on online friends and online meetups or just eschewing meetups all together and even relying on fucking AI friends , so befriending numerous people is no longer as easily possible And also attempting to befriending many peoeple will probably get you called as 'crazy' by the locals of your city or municipality. This last point is probably more common in small villages and towns where small talk and rumours can circulate easier , get bigger and harder, and become monstrous towards the victim in particular.

    BUT THEN there is also the problem of lack of relationship intensity. People arre more distrustful. EVERYONE has been successfully painted as a double-lifed prostitute or scam artist or a drug dealer or drug abuser. And we have fallen for the bait sadly. Its getting harder to trust people who you innstely see as having ulterior motives or criminalistic empire desires. And also friendships that are physically intimate and that involve hugging , kissing on the cheeck, holding hands , etc.... are just straight up rarer these days. And this isleading to an increase in touch starvation. I hearin some parts of the East lile China, India , etc.... it is normal to just hold your friends' hand on a walk. Friends should not be shamed for holding a friends' hand or for holding each other or for havingculturally significant , and intimate customs or greetings. I hear in Italy it is common to kiss your friends on the cheek , thats literally why isaish thomas and magic johnson started doing that when they faced off against each other lol. There is nothing wrong with that.

    We are humans. We NEED friendships. We NEED vulnerability that wont be exploited. We typically suffer from touch starvation after a long enougb time has passed... .

    NEVER let anyome make you hate yourself for your genetics or make you hate yourself , or hate your friends even, for you being a human.

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