I was born and raised in a large midwestern US city. A few years ago, I moved out to the country. Like, 30 minutes away from any services. I made the move in part because I sold myself on a vision of Hobbiton. Living in and around nature. Away from the lights and cars and problems of the city and instead forging a life of pastoral relaxtion, gazing on sunsets while smoking my pipe.

But it was a mistake, and I hate it out here.

A caveat to start off... when someone mentions how they hate country living, there are typically two kinds of responses. One is from people who were raised in the country and love it. I think this describes a very small fraction of the population, though. If you’re in this category, good for you. I’m glad this all works for you but you’re not my audience here. The other type of response is from city dwellers, who when someone mentions rural living, are all like “awww that sounds like heaven to me :)”. People who, like me, think if they just had some land and a homestead they’d be living like BIlbo Baggins. Well it’s not that.

A big thing you don’t realize is just how important it is to get to simple services like groceries or just a haircut. Did you start making a recipe but halfway through realize you don’t have any cumin? In a city you can run out and be back in a few minutes but out here you’re gonna be gone at least 70 minutes. And getting a haircut literally involves planning a “haircut night” once a month because it can take up nearly a whole evening. If you need a taxi and it ends up costing a small fortune and had to be scheduled ahead of time. The distance from services really is death by a thousand cuts and it can really start to grind you down.

If you don’t have a place to run or have the space and money for some home equipment, forget working out. And btw rural areas are incredibly hostile to running, unless of course you own a ton of land and make your own paths. Running or biking on the roads is incredibly dangerous.

I have not had any medical emergencies (alhamdulillah), but I am very cognizant of the fact that for any urgent medical issue, I’ve already lost like an hour of time before I can get treated; which could make a huge difference in outcomes for my family.

You are on Mother Nature’s home court here. And she does not want you here. I’m currently just accepting all the ants and pincher bugs that are all over my house. Using a sonic system to keep out the mice but it’s not really working. Can’t let the kids play in the grass because of rattlesnakes. You just have to be comfortable with all sorts of creatures around. Dealing with the elements is just more challenging out here.

I know people feel (and are) isolated and alienated from their fellow humans in cities, especially under capitalism. But my friends, you really cannot understand just how isolated and disconnected you feel when you physically live distant from another human. It warps you as a human and turns you inwards. It fosters a clannish, blood-relations-only mentality. Marx totally had the peasantry pegged in The Eighteenth Brumaire, potatoes in a sack who only watch out for themselves.

And it’s not like the people you do have around you are all that great to be around, let’s be real here. In the US at least, rural areas are home to some of the most reactionary, anti-social people in the whole country. Because there’s no few people around here anyway (not to mention the chud nature of the people who are here), organizing is basically impossible. Closest DSA chapter is at least a couple hours away, never mind PSL. There’s just... not really much here to organize.

But honestly the worst and real heart-breaking one is... as a parent, I am hoping to god that I can move us to city before my kids get to old. Because I dearly hope when they’re adults they choose to live reasonably close to me. But when you live in the middle of nowhere, there’s just no way they can live nearby, there are no jobs. So the rural life breaks up extended families. Yeah sure even if I lived in a big city my kids might want to move away, but at least there, there’s opportunities to stay around.

And maybe I’m just mad at myself for not realizing how good I had it back in my big city hometown. And for practical purposes I am 100% stuck here. And for those reasons maybe I get unreasonably annoyed and people who idealize country living. At the very least, before you think about moving you should be aware of the downsides.

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[–] 37 points 2 days ago (6 children)

yes, rural life do be different. convenience is very urban/suburban. unless you have more money than god or make a lot of friends, you are going to have to rely on yourself to do the sort of work that "contractors" do and find the boundary between what you can learn and what you really must hire out. there are precious few qualified skilled workers in rural communities and their clients are relational or wealthy beyond imagining.

"rural" is not a monolith either. it's a gradient ranging from the full service post office to the edge of the known universe, where all light tends to die out. and the things like "hostility toward bicycles & pedestrians" are confounded by geography, industry, and community. i've lived in places where bicycling on country roads is absolutely suicidal, because those poorly maintained roads are de-facto for a highly concentrated, extractive industry only and all other users beware. i've lived in others where there are well used bike trails that connect tiny little walkable towns, because the industry there is quaint, but seasonal tourism and the inhabitants democratically control the wealth collected from tourists.

certainly, a lot of people have views of rural/country life informed entirely by the hegemonic imaginaries, and therefore they know less than nothing about what it entails. there are people who grew up in one rural community that are completely baffled trying to understand what people in another rural community "do all fuckin' day". similarly, many urbanites fail to realize how dependent the functioning city is on a reserve army of dislocated laborers clamoring for the opportunity to cheaply sell their time to be a hired car, deliver a hot meal, snake a toilet, haul away some junk, deliver some specialized construction materials, or cut back some overgrown vegetation. in contrast, with less people around, lending someone a hand to get something done is more about time, capacity, and ability than how much cash you can fork over. most everybody in a rural place has more time/energy than money, so it makes more sense to have time/energy be the informal unit of exchange. you help somebody clean their gutters in the fall, they help you change your headlight in winter. that type of shit.

i grew up in the urban interface and once i became an adult, i found & took the opportunity to live and work outdoors in a lot of different types of rural places in different regions of the US (and even do seasonal outdoor work in rural communities overseas a few times, which is a real eye opener about how exceptionally shitty rural life in the US can be in the 21st century). over the last 20 years, i learned a lot about what level of convenience i actually want, and what features of civic life can be found in which rural places. i also figured out how to be pretty useful for all manner of common tasks and handy in most situations.

it also changed my demeanor pretty drastically in adapting to always make time for the people in my area and seeking out opportunities to help and or learn from someone. there's not many of us, so we should periodically check on one another even if it's just to share some anecdote about some wildlife or weather forecasts. not to mention, i generally live slower & more deliberate now. all my nights are a quiet night in, and i wouldn't want it any other way. i do not think it's for everyone, just like city life isn't. my parents and siblings are all city people and can't seem to understand why i made these choices or frankly any aspect of my value system. and i've certainly met my share of city people that moved out to some rural community that bit off more than they could chew.

if i could stress anything, it's that urbanization is an accumulation of homogenizing processes both socially and ecologically. the rural interface is defined by a reduced intensity of many or all of those same processes. while rural communities share many characteristics when viewed materially, they cane be quite distinct in their character and this distinct character has an influence on the inhabitants. i've loved some rural communities i've lived in, and there are some the only way you could get me there is to drug me and dump me there. and generally speaking, the difference is driven by what capital formations dominate the landscape.

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  • [–] 25 points 2 days ago (2 children)

    I really appreciate this take amongst all of the anti-rural-living ones in here. I definitely agree that rural living is extremely dependent on WHERE you're doing your rural living. I lived on a farm and I really loved it and missed it. It was for only under a year, though, so perhaps the honeymoon phase would've worn off eventually...But I just don't find a lot of joy living in cities now, at least small ones. I either need to move rural, or move to a big city. No more in between shit lol

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  • [–] 14 points 2 days ago* (1 child)

    I think it’s understandable with so many US perspectives. Rural communities have been through suburbanization AND deindustrialization, leaving behind specific extractive industries (mining, CAFOs) and people with no expectation of upward mobility. Besides that, there might be tourist traps or artsy places, but that’s often something trust funders participate in while locals work minimum wage.

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  • [–] 10 points 2 days ago (1 child)

    I think it's understandable with so many US perspectives.

    You mean the anti-rural sentiments? Yeah, everyone's entitled to their opinion and I think that I probably idealize my own experience too. I was definitely in the exceptional place where there were pockets of artsy people and hippies with shotguns lol. But I also had some vague idea of what I was getting into and wanted it. Some comments seem to be coming from folks who already detest the idea of rural communities and haven't experienced it at all, or really just wanted the idyllic life without the difficulties or having ever lived without their needs met. I think it's interesting to get the perspectives of the people who came from it though, definitely respect their input if they hated it or not.

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  • My belief is that the conditions of the US will either make you a (sub)urbanite who wants an escape, or someone an hour drive from civilization who wants an escape. It’s either getting screwed by HCOL or no jobs. Our absurd land use and social norms, resulting from an absolutely topsy turvy economic system, makes life incomplete generally.

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  • [–] 13 points 2 days ago (1 child)

    I really enjoyed reading this and would love to hear you elaborate on the different effects of different capital formations.

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  • single industry exploitative extraction has probably got to be generally the most negative. petrochemical, animal processing, strip mining, clear cut logging, shit like that is rough. dangerous work. fucked on the environment. especially mining and wells, because the formations hire in lots of labor in boom-and-bust situations and those industries absolutely fuck water sources so they know they have to proactively undermine community cohesion too or else enough people might come together and point out all the benzene and shit coming out of the taps. you couldn't pay me to try and exist within 2 days drive of a "man camp" or a regional meat packer. i've visited some places and heard stories from more, and no fucking thanks. i used to work near a massive chemical plant and holy shit the smell on some days was frightening. "you get used to it" ... yeah, ok, that probably just means that part of your brain died. also, when it's single industry, it creates this zero-sum mentality where anything the big dog doesn't enjoy needs to be killed off asap.

    there are some isolated exceptions, like being near certain tribal lands/reservations. they have historically had energy extraction industries happening and there are water problems etc, but if the people retain communal control of those assets and are trying to also live around there, there's at least some tension and potential for community re-investment. i worked on the border of a reservation with some guys who lived on it and there was a lot of wild stuff going on in the region, but their communal land management systems for agriculture were pretty fascinating. i was lucky enough to have made friends so i had an "in", but most of the white people around there are some kinda nuts, racists, or religious zealots. i was probably in the "kinda nuts" category. by that point, i had a lot of experience in different types of smaller commercial agriculture enterprises and had gone to ag school for it too, so there was a shared interest in land stewardship, opportunity for sharing of experiences, talking about small scale systems, weird crops of interest, stories of people doing something dumb, etc. plus i could help fix fencing, jiggle wires under a hood, and just be an extra pair of hands, make jokes, etc. i've been back that way a few times and i could picture a life in that community, but the lack of water was too wild for me. still, i told them if i was on the run from the law, i'd probably be back. i had been informed before that was a common story for whites on the reservation: they are hiding from the law or looking to get hitched. "must work out at least sometimes then right?" lol

    agriculture is variable. giant CAFOs and monocultures? generally speaking: no thanks. CAFOs are a nightmare and brutal on water quality. many are owned by foreign nationals who realized the US doesn't give a shit about agriculture-induced environmental damage in many states, so no money is staying in the community to do anything except pay off a few assholes to chase away/threaten anyone who might report on illegal practices. small holder/community agriculture (i'm talking like less than 5 acres) can be more interesting, as they have an interest in protecting water, worry about infrastructure/flood controls/climate issues and can't really afford to hire a worker with expensive rents. i saw it in east asia and northern europe in very rural places. the small holders were in favor of keeping boundaries on urban development, but also wanted accessible high density/affordable housing for their workers and just people in general. that tension is important because it informs boundaries. there's generally a recognition that to improve the community they need more people to live there, teach at the school, work at the clinic, etc. the US has barely scratched the surface with conservation easements and planning housing and development in agricultural communities. the kind of land that it's easy to build on is also the kind of land that lends itself to cropping. it's also the kind of land that floods lol. agriculture vs housing varies wildly by state with some states land use policy ruled by large farm owners with plans on retiring by selling it off to a suburban developer to build mcmansions. seems like places that have been farming for more than a few centuries know that's not sustainable long term.

    tourism is weird. it has localized but major impacts on property values and causes issues with affordable housing. this is multiplied by the short term rental housing absolutely eating up housing inventory. unless steps are taken to mitigate these issues with creative zoning/property tax and reinvestment into infrastructure that benefits the tourism workforce (walkable communities, public transportation, etc), it can be a total shitshow instead of like... half a shitshow.

    the short term rental shitshow's only benefit is that the income is generally more widely distributed than a few hoteliers and resort owners. i think ideally it would be tightly regulated and require the prospective short term landlord bring the entire property into some kind of ideal energy efficiency/environmental land use conservation status and maintain it while also forking over like a third of their net to the tax base. basically making it borderline communally managed land that the community gets a huge bite of every rich fuck that stops by. like instead of airbnb, the tourist community should own the actual app and if you want to get a taste, you play by their rules and the whole thing is democratically managed to make sure there's enough housing for all the workers. only after that do the surplus housing owners get to play hotelier, and the community gets to eat from that too.

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  • [–] 11 points 2 days ago

    adapting to always make time for the people in my area and seeking out opportunities to help and or learn from someone. there's not many of us, so we should periodically check on one another

    I think this is a very important process, that perhaps comes more naturally in city-living as you just "come across" people. But in rural areas you have to go say hi, it just is important.

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  • [–] 6 points 2 days ago (1 child)

    Lots of calls to elaborate in some fashion, I'll just upvote those rather than echo the same (but you should do that) -

    But one specific question. You threw in something about (my phrasing) "some towns find themselves wondering just wtf folks in that other neighboring town do all day".

    Is that a comment about bigotry, or something...weirder?

    I ask because it rhymes just enough with something that always puzzled me about my dad's dad. A strange inability to fully accept (like, integrate into his understanding of the world) that others have actual entire lives that they feel the ~same way about, as he and the people he knows, do. Wasn't bigotry in this case (he could do that too lol), it was a weird (large) hole in his basic understanding that even he would sometimes find frustrating.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 days ago*

    i dunno if i would call it bigotry. more like the confusion of not being able to interpret something one had no context for.

    the clearest example was i went on a road trip with my boss at the time several states away to an auction-type sale, and we traveled from one corn/soy/cattle community to another in a similar configuration, but between those two points we went through some mountain/forested areas. little tiny towns with stretches of pine and not much else. not even much logging to speak of could be seen, though i bet there was some. he could not understand what the people who lived there did, how they survived, etc. to be fair its an area with limited infrastructure and a poorer part of the state, not part of its agricultural system (historically or currently) so maybe just some tiny gardening for subsistence. an area (Nickajack part of alabama) with an intense, but mostly forgotten history of insurrection against settlers (a last stronghold of Cherokee-Chickamauguas) and later against the plantation system with an attempted secession by the non-plantation small holders from the southern secession, with its giant export systems and wealthy families.

    my boss didn't know any of this historical context. he just saw a landscape he couldn't imagine making a living in, didn't see any businesses/employers, and couldn't even guess what the residents of little scattered trailers and small houses along the old country highway were doing out here in the "middle of nowhere", besides waiting on the day's mail. it made me laugh because most people would describe him as living in the middle of nowhere. if three or more cars were pulling into a driveway, he'd call it "grand central station" only semi ironically. he didn't own land, but he leased it from giant landowners so his cultivated ability was to evalute what part of some land might he pay rent on, work, and make enough to pay himself. the sort of land we were passing through didn't make sense to him in this way and he found that kind of life baffling. not in a negative way, just mystified.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 days ago* (1 child)

    This is wonderfully written and insightful. I think you should consider adapting it to an essay and submitting it to publishers.

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