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I never realized how hard country/rural living would be (lemmy.ml)
submitted 3 days ago by to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net
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I was born and raised in a large midwestern US city. A few years ago, I moved out to the country. Like, 30 minutes away from any services. I made the move in part because I sold myself on a vision of Hobbiton. Living in and around nature. Away from the lights and cars and problems of the city and instead forging a life of pastoral relaxtion, gazing on sunsets while smoking my pipe.

But it was a mistake, and I hate it out here.

A caveat to start off... when someone mentions how they hate country living, there are typically two kinds of responses. One is from people who were raised in the country and love it. I think this describes a very small fraction of the population, though. If you’re in this category, good for you. I’m glad this all works for you but you’re not my audience here. The other type of response is from city dwellers, who when someone mentions rural living, are all like “awww that sounds like heaven to me :)”. People who, like me, think if they just had some land and a homestead they’d be living like BIlbo Baggins. Well it’s not that.

A big thing you don’t realize is just how important it is to get to simple services like groceries or just a haircut. Did you start making a recipe but halfway through realize you don’t have any cumin? In a city you can run out and be back in a few minutes but out here you’re gonna be gone at least 70 minutes. And getting a haircut literally involves planning a “haircut night” once a month because it can take up nearly a whole evening. If you need a taxi and it ends up costing a small fortune and had to be scheduled ahead of time. The distance from services really is death by a thousand cuts and it can really start to grind you down.

If you don’t have a place to run or have the space and money for some home equipment, forget working out. And btw rural areas are incredibly hostile to running, unless of course you own a ton of land and make your own paths. Running or biking on the roads is incredibly dangerous.

I have not had any medical emergencies (alhamdulillah), but I am very cognizant of the fact that for any urgent medical issue, I’ve already lost like an hour of time before I can get treated; which could make a huge difference in outcomes for my family.

You are on Mother Nature’s home court here. And she does not want you here. I’m currently just accepting all the ants and pincher bugs that are all over my house. Using a sonic system to keep out the mice but it’s not really working. Can’t let the kids play in the grass because of rattlesnakes. You just have to be comfortable with all sorts of creatures around. Dealing with the elements is just more challenging out here.

I know people feel (and are) isolated and alienated from their fellow humans in cities, especially under capitalism. But my friends, you really cannot understand just how isolated and disconnected you feel when you physically live distant from another human. It warps you as a human and turns you inwards. It fosters a clannish, blood-relations-only mentality. Marx totally had the peasantry pegged in The Eighteenth Brumaire, potatoes in a sack who only watch out for themselves.

And it’s not like the people you do have around you are all that great to be around, let’s be real here. In the US at least, rural areas are home to some of the most reactionary, anti-social people in the whole country. Because there’s no few people around here anyway (not to mention the chud nature of the people who are here), organizing is basically impossible. Closest DSA chapter is at least a couple hours away, never mind PSL. There’s just... not really much here to organize.

But honestly the worst and real heart-breaking one is... as a parent, I am hoping to god that I can move us to city before my kids get to old. Because I dearly hope when they’re adults they choose to live reasonably close to me. But when you live in the middle of nowhere, there’s just no way they can live nearby, there are no jobs. So the rural life breaks up extended families. Yeah sure even if I lived in a big city my kids might want to move away, but at least there, there’s opportunities to stay around.

And maybe I’m just mad at myself for not realizing how good I had it back in my big city hometown. And for practical purposes I am 100% stuck here. And for those reasons maybe I get unreasonably annoyed and people who idealize country living. At the very least, before you think about moving you should be aware of the downsides.

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[–] 6 points 2 days ago (1 child)

Lots of calls to elaborate in some fashion, I'll just upvote those rather than echo the same (but you should do that) -

But one specific question. You threw in something about (my phrasing) "some towns find themselves wondering just wtf folks in that other neighboring town do all day".

Is that a comment about bigotry, or something...weirder?

I ask because it rhymes just enough with something that always puzzled me about my dad's dad. A strange inability to fully accept (like, integrate into his understanding of the world) that others have actual entire lives that they feel the ~same way about, as he and the people he knows, do. Wasn't bigotry in this case (he could do that too lol), it was a weird (large) hole in his basic understanding that even he would sometimes find frustrating.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 days ago*

    i dunno if i would call it bigotry. more like the confusion of not being able to interpret something one had no context for.

    the clearest example was i went on a road trip with my boss at the time several states away to an auction-type sale, and we traveled from one corn/soy/cattle community to another in a similar configuration, but between those two points we went through some mountain/forested areas. little tiny towns with stretches of pine and not much else. not even much logging to speak of could be seen, though i bet there was some. he could not understand what the people who lived there did, how they survived, etc. to be fair its an area with limited infrastructure and a poorer part of the state, not part of its agricultural system (historically or currently) so maybe just some tiny gardening for subsistence. an area (Nickajack part of alabama) with an intense, but mostly forgotten history of insurrection against settlers (a last stronghold of Cherokee-Chickamauguas) and later against the plantation system with an attempted secession by the non-plantation small holders from the southern secession, with its giant export systems and wealthy families.

    my boss didn't know any of this historical context. he just saw a landscape he couldn't imagine making a living in, didn't see any businesses/employers, and couldn't even guess what the residents of little scattered trailers and small houses along the old country highway were doing out here in the "middle of nowhere", besides waiting on the day's mail. it made me laugh because most people would describe him as living in the middle of nowhere. if three or more cars were pulling into a driveway, he'd call it "grand central station" only semi ironically. he didn't own land, but he leased it from giant landowners so his cultivated ability was to evalute what part of some land might he pay rent on, work, and make enough to pay himself. the sort of land we were passing through didn't make sense to him in this way and he found that kind of life baffling. not in a negative way, just mystified.

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