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People who get "happy ending" massages, is there like a common keyword or process? (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 1 day ago by to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
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I know this is gonna sound like the "Where exactly, so I can avoid it" meme, but I'm sincerely trying to avoid it.

I am pretty physically active, and get massage every six months or so. I have a massage therapist I usually go to, but every once in a while it's an emergency and my go-to is booked up, so I get a sketchy strip mall massage.

About half the time it ends with a happy ending attempt. Not that I'm against the concept, but I refuse to pay for sexual contact on principle. Also that cuts into the time spent on the actual massage I came in for, and pressures me into a huge tip for something I don't actually want.

At the same time, I don't want to assume. It seems pretty rude to start off with "I know you're gonna wanna give me a handjob but I'm not interested". So is there some kind of standard "initiation" ritual that I can turn down when it comes up?

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[–] 15 points 1 day ago (4 children)

I appreciate this is probably the autism, but I've always been fascinated that most people seem to be comfortable with stripping down and being oiled up and touched by a stranger.

The odd thing is, I'd totally understand this in a sexual context - but for people to want this kind of contact just as a service, like a haircut or something, seems utterly alien to me.

I realise this doesn't answer your question, but like I said, I've always been fascinated by the concept.

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  • [–] 18 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    There is a very severe lack of non-sexual touch In the world right now. Massage is so nice, it's therapeutic. I get esthetician facials too - if you want a less fraught (for you) experience of the same sort of experience I highly recommend those, and so good for your skin too.

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  • [–] 6 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    I tense up if other people touch me. I can get a massage without being white knuckled these days, but I can't imagine actually wanting to touch another person.

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  • [–] 4 points 23 hours ago

    I used to be jealous of it, like when my coworkers at summer camp were comfortable laying next to each other and partly on each other in a cuddle pile on a couch, just in a platonic non-sexual, but close way. But i was new and didn't know what to do.

    For me, the skin to skin contact feels nice, relaxing, close, safe.

    I can imagine not wanting to touch another person, because i get those moods too, especially with strangers or people where the social context is unclear. But it is really nice for me when it's the right place and time and people.

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  • [–] [S] 15 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    I've never been uncomfortable with being naked or being touched. And I'm actually an extremely sex-positive person.

    But I get massage because I get sore muscles. It's not about just being touched, it's directed pressure to work out muscle knots. If I got a massage and all they did was oil me up and lightly touch me, I wouldn't be going back.

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  • [–] 5 points 1 day ago (2 children)

    Yeah I miss my sadistic masseur so much, I used to go to a guy who was like 6'5" and strong and gay - ideal combination - and the massages hurt but I would feel so much better after. I don't need it to feel good during the massage, what I want is to fix whatever is going on. I realize logically that the hard pressure is not necessary to release muscle tension and fix things, but it has been more effective for me personally. I want to feel better after the massage than I do during it.

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  • [–] 2 points 23 hours ago

    Endorphins are a hell of a drug. I also saw a legitimately sadistic massage therapists with, let's say, differences in feeling empathy from most people. Best massages ever, but eventually it didn't feel safe.

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  • [–] 9 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Well, there's different kinds of massage.

    The generic spa-style massage is more about relaxation, and is done in a setting that shifts the context to being fairly impersonal.

    More medically focused, or sports focused (lot of overlap there) massage is being done with a goal in mind, usually in a setting that also makes it feel less intimate than it might otherwise (even with the same technique involved).

    Just as an example, I trained up in a handful of massage methods over the years. Lymphatic release, myofascial release, deep tissue, a variant of shiatsu, and the bog standard "just rub the muscles that are tense" kind that isn't really a technique/style at all. What would be used depended on my patients' needs and preferences.

    Deep tissue, I really never broke out on patients though. A few, but it was rare. That was more for friends that were in need due to muscle issues.

    Myofascial release is superb for people with reduced mobility and/or spacicity since out favors fairly gentle pressure that directly unloads where the muscles connect.

    Your lymphatic release is also low pressure, and is kind of the default for both a post-workout massage as well as geriatric patients and bedbound patients. It focuses on moving your juices along to the center of the body sp that associated buildup of wastes will be enhanced

    But what remains true is that most massage is best done on bare skin. Not all benefit from lubricants though. Myofascial release, in particular, becomes more difficult and> less effective because you really need to be able to apply focused pressure without movement as part of what you're doing.

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  • [–] 2 points 23 hours ago (1 child)

    Will massage therapists generally be familiar with deep tissue massage if you ask?

    I think that's what i used to get, where it felt like i was getting my tendons re-adjusted and stuff, but i didn't know how to ask.

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  • [–] 2 points 16 hours ago (1 child)

    Yeah, almost guaranteed. Won't necessarily offer it as a service, though the vast majority should. But any proper professional would know what it is, and likely know how.

    There's some degree of variation in techniques, but that is likely what you were getting. Deep tissue can outright hurt, but the goal is to get into the muscles where hard tension is and unkink it. It uses steady, usually slow, but forceful pressure to really get past the surface.

    Which is why not everyone will offer it. It is very demanding for the practitioner, and patients may or may not actually want it, and just think they do lol. My hands can't do it any more. Hell, I can't always pull off the easier stuff. Arthritis sucks lol.

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  • [–] 7 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Have you ever had a sore muscle or stiff neck and massaged it to relax it and alleviate the pain? Imagine that being done by a professional that knows exactly where to press to relax a muscle and for your whole body.

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