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Selfhosted
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That's the resolver's job, Wireguard absolutely reconnects asap if the connection's heartbeat goes out. You in your case got Cloudflare to make sure it can connect somewhere.
The only way to truely serverless'ly find each other when both parties got dynamic IPs would be IPv6 multicast (such as via Librecast). Not just is that still not supported by the network itself a lot of times (sadly) but I doubt any LLM on this planet would implement it correctly, way too niche. Any other way leads through some DNS resolver or third-party service (like Cloudflare) or a network such as Magic Wormhole.
It's fine if the Slopware works for you, but your arguments make no sense whatsoever. The only thing you're currently doing is making enemies in the selfhosting community, not connections.