While this is name-calling (and the proverbial last refuge of a so-and-so) you're not wrong. I wish I had the capacity to advocate effectively.

You might have heard of the so called "overview effect" reported by space travelers who have observed the Earth from a great enough distance that the entire planet is in view. It changes their psychological perspective. I don't know if it's a real thing, but I have experienced something analogous.

I grew up with the same social conditioning as everyone else, to see animals as means rather than ends, to disregard their experiences and suffering, to deny that they even capable of having those things. I committed thousands of grievous acts of unforgivable cruelty to individuals who all had the capacity to actually love me, the same as I love anyone else, but I didn't care. It didn't bother me, so I thought. In reality, I had a whole toolbox of psychological tricks that I used on myself to avoid perceiving this cruelty and violence. To avoid perceiving myself as a cruel and violent person, a bad person.

These self-serving beliefs about animals and the tools one uses to enforce and manage the cognitive dissonance are collectively called carnism. Through a series of difficult choices and radical honesty, slowly at first, and then in a great rush, I lost my carnism. I was finally able to see things as the are, at least in this respect. I saw the whole fucking thing. And I saw what I had done, in the very same moment that I lost all my defense mechanisms that protect me from what I have done.

I have to admit, much of my grace has gone out of me. Much of my respect for my fellow progressives, much of my sense of safety. I feel like a raw exposed nerve whenever it comes up, and it's been ten years. But I also feel that I must never again make use of those tools carnism gave me to ignore reality, and that I don't deserve to have comfort with the things that I have done. I have not yet learned to manage these feelings such that I can engage with abusers productively.

I think everyone should reject carnism, but realistically, having gone through it, I know that most people will never even attempt it. Reality is brutal and horrible. People need their lies just to get through it. I'm trying to accept that, but it is proving even harder.