I found out after checking my savings in a few months. Went to buy surplus grain from Sawhill farms and needed to withdraw 1000. thought ATM was broke until I check the Chase app and find a lousy 300 dollars left. I called her and just spoke for a bit before bringing it up and when I did she paused and just went “oh” and hung up. I got home she was already in bed and I ended up getting high and sleeping on the futon again. Next morn she tells me that I have to think about paying off some debt. Debt? I brought up the missing money and that’s when she broke down and told me she had been watching eBay live and buying a bunch of shit we don’t need. I checked out eBay life and shits bleak. It uses the short form media format so you can just swipe through live auctions. She got addicted to spending but using klarna because she thought it would cost less. Turns out I’m over 9000 in debt. There’s no way to return some of this shit. I think I’m going to pay it off but then have a serious discussion about the relationship because I don’t think I can be with someone who is financially unstable. But I love her and she helped me out when I was in a toxic relationship.
Think of it like this. If she had amassed this debt with a gambling addiction or a drug addiction or an alcohol addiction, would that be a dealbreaker for you? If so, then yeah, sure, time to get out. But if not, then just keep in mind that this is the same thing as all of those. Addiction is a disease and it makes people do illogical and harmful things to people they love. It can be treated and it can be solved.
It's not necessarily your responsibility to go through all that effort. You have the right to withdraw of course. But if you want to, and if she's willing to put in the effort, then it doesn't have to be the end.
That last part's important though. Nobody unwillingly loses an addiction. You can't take it from her. It's something she has to recognize the harm in and want, just as much as you, to solve.