I found out after checking my savings in a few months. Went to buy surplus grain from Sawhill farms and needed to withdraw 1000. thought ATM was broke until I check the Chase app and find a lousy 300 dollars left. I called her and just spoke for a bit before bringing it up and when I did she paused and just went “oh” and hung up. I got home she was already in bed and I ended up getting high and sleeping on the futon again. Next morn she tells me that I have to think about paying off some debt. Debt? I brought up the missing money and that’s when she broke down and told me she had been watching eBay live and buying a bunch of shit we don’t need. I checked out eBay life and shits bleak. It uses the short form media format so you can just swipe through live auctions. She got addicted to spending but using klarna because she thought it would cost less. Turns out I’m over 9000 in debt. There’s no way to return some of this shit. I think I’m going to pay it off but then have a serious discussion about the relationship because I don’t think I can be with someone who is financially unstable. But I love her and she helped me out when I was in a toxic relationship.
If she's willing to work at it, going to a couples counselor would be helpful. Really digging into why she's seeking out something like this in the first place.
But she has to be willing to restrict her own access to funds and access to auctions or other addictive spending platforms. Spending like that can be as addictive as gambling for some, and needs to be treated in a similar way. Also, she needs to work at building the savings account back.
mhmm. i also gotta say the immediate response of "this debt i accrued is your problem, you need to find a solution", even if later backtracked, is definitely not a healthy immediate response. sounds like there's quite a few things worth raising in counselling. i hope you manage to work things out OP
Therapy is pseudo science imo
Couples counseling is mediation and working on communication. You need to be willing to work on this just as much as your partner.