Sort of had a similar experience this april. First time I was into someone in a good 3 years. I delayed my rejection by a month and a half due to being too afraid to talk to her again (rejection is a very strong word, she just wasn't interested, and she was almost too kind with how she said it). I really want to be over it, but I have way too hard of a time letting go of things (in general) and now I just feel like complete shit. Just needed a place to say all this, I've got no real friends left and no idea how to make more. The more time goes on the harder it is to interact in general, talking to someone I was crushing on took what felt like a herculean amount of bravery and the literal perfect coditions to happen. This is the only place where I feel like I can speak to people without being terrifed (due to feelings, growing introversion or general anxiety, and the fact that I am likely autistic and am completely unable to guess what people are going to think and say). Doubting my own asexuality is just another thing I do not want right now. For now I think a way to get back on track with everything is to start reading theory again, and maybe doing something else fulfilling. Sorry for the overly long infodump, I just need anyone to see this, I have learned that in abscence of help simply being heard helps me deal with everything. One thing for certain is that lemmygrad gives me a little hope. The same kind of hope I felt when I first became a marxist not too long ago.

I'm not going anywhere comrades, and as for relationships, don't lose hope comrade, you'll find someone sooner or later. o7