You know, when I was a kid, I thought developing a strong sense of justice was gonna be my greatest asset. “Stand up for what’s right,” they said. “The truth always comes out,” they said. I figured I’d be the guy exposing corruption, protecting the innocent, keeping the whole rotten machine honest.

Well. Looking back… what an investment that turned out to be.

Turns out the machine doesn’t appreciate being told it’s a machine.

Recent events have demonstrated pretty convincingly that justice isn’t some natural law. It’s more like a coupon. Sometimes it works, sometimes the cashier just stares at you while the building catches fire.

So now I’ve got this finely tuned moral compass that starts spinning like a ceiling fan every time I watch the news. Great. Fantastic. This will never drive me completely insane. Not at all. I’ll just keep noticing contradictions until my blood pressure qualifies as a radio frequency.

But here’s the thing—and this is where they get you. You can’t just uninstall it. Once your brain decides wrong is wrong, it doesn’t suddenly go, “Oh, never mind, I guess corruption’s fine now.” No, sir. It keeps filing reports to a management office that doesn’t exist.

Maybe that’s the biggest conspiracy of all. They convince kids that justice always wins, then act surprised when those same kids grow up wondering why nobody’s enforcing the rules.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go staple another page to the evidence board. Any day now, it’ll all connect.