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Anon comes up with a dating strategy (thelemmy.club)
submitted 2 months ago by [M] to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 7 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Yes, but if you're dating someone because of who you can change them into you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

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  • [–] -1 points 2 months ago* (1 child)

    not necessarily. a lot of people date people based on potential, and they will leave or stay if that potential manifests.

    at least, that's how it used to be. true in 2026 that people increasingly want 'it all' from the get go. which is why folks are so miserable. if you are 25 and expect to date someone making 200K a year, you are going to have a bad time. you should be dating someone who makes 50K who will be making 200K in 10-20 years.

    So on and so on. a lot of people are very different physically over the years too. one of my major conflicts in dating was I was trying to improve myself, and my girlfriends didn't want to do that, and resented me for it. they didn't want to eat well, exercise, or invest in themselves. They wanted to just sit around and drink and veg out and thought I was a jerk for wanting to be active and healthy.

    Anyway, I'm single now but I'm very healthy, active, and financially secure. most ladies I meet on the dating market are maybe 1 of those three, and they demand a man be all and he has to be jacked and fashionable. It's wild how folks demand so much from others but so little from themselves.

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  • [–] 7 points 2 months ago

    Yeah stupid high standards also aren't what I'm advocating for. I may not be an expert, but I'm happily married.

    Being with someone with similar goals to you is important. Going in expecting your partner to have figured everything out is important. But also important is being ok with where they are.

    If you go into a relationship with someone who's fat you need to be ok with the reality that they might never become skinny, even if they want to (but also it's a lot of work and plenty of people are ok with their body as is).

    I'd never enter a financially tied relationship with a spendthrift, it would stress me the hell out and I'd rather be single. But a partner who struggles with depression, adhd, and other mental issues that can get in the way of life? Yeah I can live with that, though it's important that she not be resigned to it and that she keep trying to deal with it. A partner who isn't as in shape as I prefer to be? Yeah I can live with that, I'd prefer if she be interested in and capable of long walks and going on bike rides, but if not that's ok.

    Plenty of chronically single people have too high standards, but getting a fixer upper isn't a happy sustainable solution, figuring out your actual priorities and becoming the sort of person who's attractive to the people who match those priorities is. Or don't, I already got mine.

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