I was working construction one winter and living in a house with four other guys. One of the roommates, without asking the rest of us, invited a friend of his to stay in our large walk-in closet. It was supposed to be just for a few days, but he ended up living there for months without paying any rent. One day I came home after work freezing cold and completely covered in mud, and this dude was sitting on the couch in a bathrobe watching TV. I heard the water running upstairs and asked him who was in the shower. He said "Bobby. And I'm next."

He was not next. He moved out that night.

Who do you think is making all these creaks and moans? You think a house just settles on its own?