351
Me_irl
(thelemmy.club)
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2026
351 points (93.3% liked)
me_irl
7975 readers
611 users here now
All posts need to have the same title: me_irl it is allowed to use an emoji instead of the underscore _
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
Yeah, at a certain point, you can continue to blame them, but the responsibility to fix it ultimately falls on you regardless. Go ahead and blame them, but don’t use it as an excuse to not work on yourself and improve.
Like most difficulties in life, be it trauma, neurodivergance, or any number of other issues; they're explanations, not excuses.
Much like mental illness. Your depression doesn't stop you from working out or going for a walk, but it might make it really really hard to start. You can use that as an excuse and never start or you can acknowledge this is why you never want to start. You just have to do it, or rely on someone to get you to do it like a good friend or partner.
If you let depression stop you from walking you'll never walk and get the benefits from it which could help you beat or mitigate depression. Maybe after 2 years of daily walks you won't be depression free, but its almost guaranteed you'll be doing better.
Wow thanks I’m cured.
Or you can just die which depression sometimes leads to -- like it's a disease. How come some people survive cancer and some don't? The disease is different for each person. Same with depression.
Not doing things like walking or other things that have been proven good for mental health when you have depression is akin to not getting treatment for cancer. Some people still die from cancer while on treatments, but a lot more of them survive than the ones that don't attempt treatment.
Yes but you're missing the fact that some people with sever depression just can't make their bodies go for a walk the same way someone with a severe cancer diagnosis might not be able to just make their body go for a walk.
Depression fucks with your brain such that you dont think it makes sense to do something that is good for you, if it was that simple nobody would ever hurt themselves, but they have a disease that messes with their brains' ability to think clearly.
I get what you guys are saying, but at some point you got to do something. If depression makes you just sit around staring at a wall for 2 years, I get it. Explanation.
If you do it for 10 years however, you're really just saying "I can't. I'm depressed." Excuse.
No at some point you dont got to anything, you can just die from your disease. Would you tell someone dying of cancer they should have just tried harder?
Like why do you get a 2 year depression but you dont get a 10 year depression? What do you know about the disease that it makes sense to you to last two years but not ten years??
It's not like you're gonna drop dead if you try to take a walk. And if you have cancer you do chemo, right? You don't just sit down and go "welp, guess I'm gonna die".
If your goal is 4 walks a week and it takes 6 months to consistently get 1 walk a week in, thats still progress.
Blame is a mechanism specifically designed to absolve oneself of responsibility. "Hey, I just wanted to let everyone know this fucked up thing I do is because my mom didn't tie my shoelaces properly.". The people affected by your actions don't need to know why you do this fucked up thing, they just want you to stop doing it to them.
It can be, and is often used that way, but it doesn't have to be.
And, generally, knowing the root causes of problems helps in best figuring out how to fix them.
My therapist mentioned its 80% awareness, 20% adding effective skills. But it can take a long ass time to rewire the engrained habits with new neuropathways habitually remembering and applying effective skills
There are some things that can't be fixed. Being physically impacted by a decision your parent made can't just be undone, depending on what it is. It could be intentional or it could be an accident, but it's still permanent.
Yeah basically all my problems were my dad's fault, but fixing them was my responsibility. The blame is fine for diagnosing the issue, but it's not a solution.
Or, better yet, rather than blaming, realize they are flawed like all people, and that they accidentally or purposefully instilled some bad qualities in you - the sort all people have.
Be mindful of the origin of those bad qualities and how you have acted over the years to reinforce them. Then, knowing the origin of your bad behaviors and ways of thinking, you can improve.
Go on then, fix the foundations of society... Fix the whole economic/political system of Capitalism.
Do it. It's clearly about generational problems and the wealth structures of society.
I’ll stick to myself thanks. That’s enough of a challenge.