You sound fun at parties. Circular firing squad, much?

Fwiw, several generations of Windows notebooks have suffered from nasty sleep bugs where they wake themselves up from sleep, and drain their batteries while clamshelled in a book bag. Used to happen with my work Dells almost monthly. Microsoft's announced win11 fix for it is one of the loudest and most venerated I've heard, in living memory.

Best I ever got out of the deal was a spicy pillow, no breach, and I've been unable to find any articles about any rash of laptop explosions which would have had very high visibility.

It sounds like you have also been as lucky as I have. May we all hope to escape the fires, a little longer.