But then what will I gnaw on like a beaver in order to collect the final, crispy fragments?

Boneless corn dogs, yes. This is a good idea.

When I make corn dogs with my own batter, the little sticks are helpful for dipping the hot dogs in the batter before frying. That said, I bet I could batter them with the stick, and figure out a way to release them into the fryer with some tongs or tweezers so that I can keep the even batter thickness and radial symmetry.

Ok I'm trying that this summer.

Someone never learned how to pull out.

I disagree

I bet you eat your pizza with a knife and fork

And while we're at it, where is the corn ?