There's a feeling of statelessness that inherently comes with being a colonizer. That's why colonizers struggle with so many identity issues and look for identity everywhere we can find it, even if those places are toxic. Just intuitively we know something is off about our way of life; that our culture and society are artificial rather than arising organically. The only real choice we have is to either embrace our colonial identity and continue the colonial project or reject it and try to find something new to connect to. The latter is more appealing (and healthier for everyone) but the former is just easier and is obviously encouraged by the colonial project itself.

Being a colonizer is in some respects also a state of mind. You can choose to behave in such a way that is consistent with anti-settlerism, with respect for the land and for its indigenous and oppressed people. Being aware of your privilege is a very good first step. Feeling personally guilty, however, is not productive. You don't have to feel guilty so long as you choose to be part of the solution, to fight the colonial power structures, and stand in solidarity with those who don't have your privilege.

In fact i would go so far as to say that an obnoxious guilt culture is itself a sign of a self-indulgent and performative attitude. You perform guilt to yourself and others to feel better about yourself and virtue signal. But this self-flaggelation materially helps no one.

The most instructive case study on this is how German society has made guilt culture a matter of national pride in an extremely toxic way, patting themselves on the back about how morally superior they are because of how they "dealt" with their past, all while yet again supporting Nazis and backing a genocide.

But back to the original point: the solution to colonialism is not ethnic cleansing. It is to build a just society that restores power back to the colonized. Those who are incapable of accepting this new de-colonized state of affairs in which they no longer enjoy settler privilege will leave on their own.

I don't think you are looking at this in a healthy way or maybe just not expressing it well.

The "benefits" of being white in a settler colony are not a reward. You are just less exploited and abused than the indigenous people. Any negative emotions you are having should be directed at the ruling class not yourself.

If you are trying to fight to end the exploitation by the capitalist imperialist you are not the problem. You aren't "an occupier" you are a victim of colonization just like the indigenous people just not at the same scale. You are not responsible for the material conditions of your birth, you are responsible for the actions you take. Recognizing the crimes of settler colonialism is important but they are not your crimes.