It's called "sealioning" and the only solution is to not engage with these types. They aren't interested in honest answers, just controlling the conversation with a veneer of legitimacy to shield them from criticism.

Dude is just being a obtuse troll. Just block and move on.

For the first part, the corpulent thing, I'm just pointing out something that's true. It's unusual to use the word figuratively.

For everything after that, it's because you're kind of being a dick.