I'm 18, soon to be 19, but I feel so left behind.. my 3 years younger sister went on her first date. In school (in my country we graduate HS at 19) and I always hear classmates talking about jobs, parties, even just living and I feel so left out.. Im not trying to be spiteful or anything, but I don't have a driving license, never had a relationship and spend most of my time rotting in my room. I just feel so horrible, having lost so many years and knowing the pain will likely eat away many more, having tried to escape it so hard and yet constantly falling and falling and falling.. a complete waste of life, an unfixable flaw in my brain..

I think a song I like, hymn to the decadent life, describes these feeling the best.

"Without being anything, I stare into the void." Complete loss of identity. A disconnect of myself from my body, from who I want to be.

"I'm so sorry for existing, I'm a worthless adult wasting precious air" The painful reality that I can't blame anyone for my failure, that it's my fault, that I ruined my life.

Chat, am I cooked?