Soo I kinda need some help here. Ever since I've been working, it's been hard for me to hold a job. For reference, I've been working since I was 16 years old and I am turning 24 this week. I got my license to become an insurance adjuster when I was 19 years old, and have been trying to do that since, plus some other minimum wage stuff during off seasons. Since then I have been fired from multiple adjusting firms, insurance companies, and have walked out of multiple places, to the point where my license almost means nothing because most places know exactly who I am. I under perform, I have to meet people face to face which 90% of the time ends up bad because I'll say things I am absolutely not allowed to be saying, only for the sake of not "feeling awkward" in the moment, which only makes things worse in the present and future (had a gun pulled on me once). I don't really know how to describe it, and I don't know how to stop it. I've tried working with food, but the multiple smells and garbage you have to deal with consistently makes me sick to my stomach and when I go home I throw up for hours at a time. I've tried working in sales, but got fired from there because I hung up on a lady because my brain blanked out when trying to do a sales pitch (mind you, they even gave us a script to read in case that happens but for some reason my brain wouldn't let me say anything). I always tell myself, "oh yeah I won't fuck it up this time, I know what I'm going to not do this time," and then proceed to fuck it up. Like in my mind I know what to do, but I can't execute it. I don't know, am I just lazy?? I sometimes feel like I'm lazy, but sometimes I also feel like I just physically can't do things. I'm really conflicted, and I have a son I need to provide for, which is already hard enough for me. It's hard, and I'm honestly struggling. Mentally, financially, physically. My mom put me on medicine when I was a kid, but it messed with my appetite to the point where I wouldn't eat for multiple weeks at a time, and only ate when I was forced to, so my doctor said no more medicine. This post doesn't even explain all the times and reasons of me being fired and me walking out of jobs (if I explained every single one it would be like 3 more paragraphs the length of this post). Any advice helps. Thank you
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First and foremost, you sound like you really need meds. The way the your medication was managed to when you were younge was likely due to it being too high a dose. It also may have been the wrong medication for you. If you tried ritalin and it didn't work out very well for you I would recommend trying dex amphetamine, and vice versa. They work differently and have different side effects, and some people are very well suited to one while finding no function from the other.
The side effect you're describing of a loss of appetite is usually attributable to the amphetamine effect of too much stimulant. Remember that amphetamines were prescribed as a weight loss drug early in their development, so that side effect is to be expected.
To manage food while on amphetamines you often have to have either deliberate planned structured meals or you have to have meals at the right time to be able to make up for the skipped meals. This might mean having a meal before you have your dose then having your dose, skipping food through the day, and then after the last of the dose wears off having another meal. I personally only eat once or twice a day, and always in the evening after my meds have run out. There is nothing wrong with doing that as long as you get sufficient food.
As for the job I would recommend thinking about what you actually do thrive doing. I sucked at working in an office but I work in disability care now and have wildly different clients with very different needs, so every day is a new and stimulating challenge. Doing the same thing, especially something like paperwork, every day with minimal variation would not work for me at all. Maybe you are trying to do jobs you aren't suited to?