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Sporadic writing exercise #3 - Building tension (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

7 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Taking a bit of a breather, here's the next exercise!

Random Prompt: Frying pan

Here is your task:

#Write a piece as to be unsatisfying as possible.

Some tips:

The goal of this is to practice build tension, even if there's no way to satisfying release it.
Focus more on the how/now than the payoff later.

You don’t have to post your piece, but if you do, I’m happy to provide some basic feedback. I encourage others to do the same, so we can all learn from each other.

Bonus: If there’s a particular thing you want to work on, let me know in the comments, & I’ll see if I can tailor future tasks to accommodate our needs.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

It's time for lunch, and my baby wants to make her own grilled cheese today. She's young, but she's been watching me cook, helping out here and there. It should be fine. It's just grilled cheese. She needs to learn to do things for herself.

She gets out the cheese and bread, puts on a nice coat of butter, and lights the stove. Frying pan is on the back burner, cool after pancakes this morning. She starts to put her sandwich straight on the burner grate, and I say, "Honey, if you..."

"I can do it, Dad."

"... OK, babe." It's just that the frying pan is right there.

She's seen me heat tortillas or roast peppers right on the grates. That's probably what she's thinking, and she'll remember when it starts to scorch. I mean, the frying pan is right there.

Butter starts to melt & dribble on to the burner. Little flare-ups and some smoke. "Honey,..."

"LET ME DO IT!"

Sigh. I turn on the vent, though. The frying pan is Right There, and she's sure to get it. Soon.

I can tell there's a ring of bread charring in the middle of the cold cheese. She's struggling to work a spatula between the bread and the grill grates. I breathe deeply.

The frying pan is RIGHT fucking THERE!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (2 children)

+1 for using random prompt!

I can feel the frustration, anger and general kidsarefuckingstupid vibe from beyond the screen. However, to make it even more unsatisfying, you could show a more conscious decision for the kid to be dumb; Let her reach towards towards the frying pan....but to grab some jam to put on top (who even puts jam on grilled cheese?). But overall, you've definitely captured the grinding-teeth moments of raising a child (I hope I never see this IRL).

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Grilled cheese with jam and ham would be a monte cristo. Underrated brunch sammy :)

Thanks for the feedback. I definitely considered adding some kid-troll, just to see how far she can push him... I couldn't quite work out how to convey Dad's frustration from 3rd person, or her teasing from 1st. Maybe a little 'was that a mischievous gleam in her eye, grabbing the spatula off the frying pan while somehow ignoring the pan itself?'

Prompt definitely helped. I feel like my big hurdle is coming up with an idea in the first place, and how to build tension around a frying pan just clicked.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Hmmm.... I'll include more prompts next time then! :D