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Had a date with a heterosexual man for the first time. He had a hard-on when we cuddled. It felt strangely validating. (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 10 months ago by to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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That's the post. I had only dated bisexual men before and it was kinda nice to know that a person that really only finds women attractive finds me attractive. Chime in if you want to share similar moments.

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[–] -4 points 10 months ago (2 children)

misandry isnt real its a silencing tactic

reverse racism isnt real, its a silencing tactic

there is no structural, societal misandry ever-present, oppressing men

there is no structural, societal racism ever-present, oppressing white people

racism, like misogyny, is a structural and systemic hate leveraged against people, not a personal one

when men receive lower salaries than women, have lower rights than women, have their bodies policed like women, are treated like objects and property like women then we can say it is real

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  • [–] 6 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    I get your point, but your original comment didn’t specify “societal” or “structural.” Of course there’s no systemic misandry or “reverse racism”, and the issues you mentioned are far more serious, by several orders of magnitude. Still, misandry does exist on an interpersonal level, and it affects real people. Dismissing it outright feels insensitive, even if it’s not comparable in scale or impact.

    For example, toxic masculinity harms women much more deeply, but it also harms men. Acknowledging that helps men see that they don’t have to conform to abusive or repressive norms to be accepted. Rejecting that nuance risks alienating people who might otherwise support feminist goals.

    I was in that position once. In my teens, internalized misandry kept me stuck in the right-wing pipeline and made transitioning an absolute impossibility. I used to be an enabler, I’m ashamed of my past, almost as much as teen me was ashamed of existing. But it is real and could have been prevented.

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  • [–] -3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 child)

    toxic masculinity is misogyny

    men not being able to act a certain way because its associated with womans qualities and thus forcing them to not express emotions and be violent and controlling or otherwise theyre seen as weak for being "like a woman" is misogyny

    men confessing their troubles is seen as effeminate because these are "woman" qualities, youre not "weak" and "emotional" like a woman. this is also misogyny

    being shamed and repressed for having qualities that are perceived as feminine is misogyny. youre not being shamed for being a man youre being shamed for acting like a woman

    the supposed existence of "reverse racism" ignores the inherent power/privilege dynamic that permeates our society, and acts like racism is on an even playing field, when its not. if a black person calls you a cracker, thats not being racist, its a reaction to the racism they have faced from white people throughout their entire lives, and their parents lives, and their parents lives, etc.

    come back when they oppress your way of life, when they fire you from a job because the color of your skin. when they deny you healthcare, or genocide you because the color of your skin. when they throw you in jail with laws they created, and force you to do slave labour for years

    you are confusing personal prejudice caused by systemic oppression with systemic oppression. personal prejudice is inherently not racism because there is no system of oppression against white people, and all racism is systemic.

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  • [–] 1 point 10 months ago (1 child)

    I’m not disagreeing with anything you’re saying, I just want to clarify, because I think we’re talking past each other. I tried my best to express that systemic issues are indeed far greater and not comparable to these interpersonal ones. The point I was making, was that dismissing their notion outright as some false flag operation is hurtful and only deepens the actual systemic issues by alienating potential allies.

    To explain why this dismissal matters, I will elaborate on my personal experience. This will be long and messy. If after this you’re still just restating the same point we both agree on, then it’s probably best to leave it there.

    Being bullied for being “girly” and “gay” was the least of my issues, I could have kept living in my assigned role, even if unhappy. My real issue was me developing a seething pathological hatred for men. Society treated me like a threat by default, because of my assigned gender, and eventually I started believing it. That I was a literal monster, that it wasn’t just some expectation, that there was something fundamentally wrong with me, something seriously broken in my head, simply for being born male. I was never misogynist, in fact I always looked up to women. And yet, this belief of inherent wrongness, was my hook into the right wing. Teen me didn’t believe in trans rights, because he believed all “males” must suffer. He didn’t help anyone suffering from injustice, because he believed he was so exceptionally wrong, that self erasure was the best possible outcome. He believed in a strict hierarchy where his mere existence was a death sentence. He was a hateful bigot that celebrated cruelty. He became a part of the problem he hated so much. And all that could have been prevented if only a single person didn’t dismiss him. That was all it took to eventually heal me, one person showing compassion.

    I sadly can’t say anything about racism, as that is simply not an area I have experience with, living in an extremely mono ethnic country (ofc as you mentioned, my ancestors might have a clue why that is). But it’s not hard to imagine someone developing similar beliefs when taught from a young age that some people are predisposed to hurt the things they care for.

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  • [–] -1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

    personal prejudice isnt misandry, as i already explained, and all misogyny (and "misandry"/lack thereof) is inherently systemic

    if you want to say "misandry is real because i disliked men because of and and <toxic masculinity (misogyny)>" and push back because you looked the word up in the dictionary, then be my guest. ive said everything that is worth saying on this topic, and frankly have more important things to do than pointlessly argue on the internet.

    "not all men", defender of the defended, voice of the voiceful, protector of the protected, "actually cracker is a slur!!" and so on. i hope the boot is worth it, do better.

    "you being more offended by the mere implication that some of your peers can be bad than by the harm that they actually cause makes you part of the problem"

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