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What is a personality trait that you’re working on? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I’ve become aware, as I get older, how my initial emotional reaction to conflict isn’t always fair and is usually pointed backward, defensive and angry. I also know that I do better if I have time alone to process how I’m feeling, and often by the time I’m done things have moved on.

What I’ve been working on is to stop using excuses - the moment has passed, I’d just be dredging up the same argument, I’ve had this conversation in my head a bunch but they never turn out exactly right - and just go back to the people involved and tell them how I feel because they deserve that effort. There have been disagreements I’ve had where I wasn’t in the wrong but the other party did something I can admire and appreciate, and it doesn’t hurt me any to say that.

And it never ends with what I imagine is “argument perfection”: a point by point discussion of intent and action and history. Which is silly because life is messy but it gets better and I and others grow more patient and willing to move forward if I’m not always bracing for a blow.

That’s…probably a bit confusing, but it’s been something I’ve been mulling over, so…what personality traits of yours are you working on?

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

I... Have a hard time not blaming others for their mistakes. I do the same with myself and it's easy to externalize that. I just think it's kind of cruel now that I'm old. Most people who commit an error are already suffering and I shouldn't make it worse more than I have to.