Parenting Chat - 07/13 - 07/19
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this post was submitted on 13 Jul 2025
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parenting
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One of these days I will get around to writing my effort post about how having kids has really opened my eyes as how much gender really is a social construct. I’ve tried to avoid pushing gender norms on my kids but the reality is that society is so overwhelming in this regard.
Also, while I am very much on the side of “let kids pick their own stuff” (largely based on what I said above), my wife got my daughter her first backpack - a sparkly purple unicorn backpack. Which is fine in itself. But… I shouldn’t be, but I do feel kinda hurt I was not involved in the process. Because - and I know this is a bit odd - I am a bit of a backpack aficionado. I worked in an independent outdoor goods store for a couple years and got really involved with the backpacks. Kinda like, my “thing”. There wasn’t anything intentional, but still…
Kids stuff is so ephemeral, here today, gone tomorrow. They grow out if it, lose it, break it, become bored of it. There will be more backpacks.
The gender stuff is very true. We don't push things onto our kids but our girl loves dresses and our boy loves trucks. They go to daycare 5 days a week. They have more hours in a week interfacing with more adults and kids then they have hours in the week interfacing with us.
That's result of both of us needing to work to support our family. So while we will retain primary influence, that secondary influence is going to be very strong.
The good thing is these norms will stand in contrast to the way you behave and how you talk about them. While most uncritical parents will raise uncritical kids who have to learn to be critical (or never do), your critical perspective will act ad a counter balance, so long as that perspective isn't oppressive (I think).
You can't escape the pressures but you'll be better equipped to explain why these pressures make no sense, because they will begin to make no sense.