48
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2025
48 points (91.4% liked)
Relationship Advice
3100 readers
114 users here now
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
-
1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
-
2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
-
3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
-
Adulting: [email protected]
-
No Stupid Questions: [email protected]
-
Mental Health [email protected]
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
I would indeed say nobody is the asshole here, but your girlfriend is very immature and lacks self-awareness.
People in general want status and wealth. Both are useful things to have in life, status gives you people to help you do what you want and wealth gives you resources to do what you want.
Your girlfriend wants those things and she doesn't feel like she got them, even though objectively, if you can sustain yourself without working, you're very wealthy. But it doesn't feel like that because you can probably barely sustain yourself, i.e. you can't go on cruises every 2 months and buy sports cars.
This is obviously a very materialistic and imo toxic worldview/desire, even though it's very pervasive throughout our society.
But the more specific thing imo here is how women's attraction works. This is not a universal thing, but most women are very attracted by ambition or drive, because it is a signal that you will be able to provide for a family. This is not a rational attraction, i.e. it doesn't matter if you're already rich and could potentially provide, the attraction for even more ambition as a character trait is still there.
Then what many women also want is a man to "follow". Maybe daddy issues. They want a man to look up to, one that is strong, smart, good, confident, ambitious, a leader. Most often more than themselves. That's why she says she can't work when you don't work. She wants you to remain in this "superior" attractive position, which wouldn't be the case if she worked and you didn't.
So in my opinion, she's essentially trying to make you more attractive to her so she can stay with you, because she likes you and how her life is set up. But she's unaware how toxic that is. She's unaware how her attraction works. She's extremely materialistic. She seems very entitled imo. I would say she's the asshole, but at the same time I can't quite blame her either, because all these things are very often what society tells you is good or happen very naturally, and you have to be exposed to certain ideas and do a lot of self-reflection to get away from this thinking.
It's up to you to figure out what to do here. I probably would tell her all these things and see how she reacts. I certainly wouldn't change anything I'm doing if I was in your position.