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this post was submitted on 03 Jun 2025
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No Stupid Questions
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These actions now do have consequences, which is why I am divorcing him. I hope you will understand that I can not reconcile the betrayal and that actions like this will always hurt people and have harsh consequences.
But I understand that this person is your father and your relationship to him is important to you so I will try to make peace with that, in order to not hurt you any more than has already been done.
Seems also like a reasonable thing to say to your child. You know, not instrumentalizing your child to hurt the partner that betrayed you. Seems selfish to me, but what do I know.
~~But I should've know better than to expect healthy nuance from an online discussion anyways.~~
Edit: I got a little combative there, which was unnecessary
Maybe I just care for my mother more. Idk
Can't imagine living with the side chick during the divorce
I did, but it was my mom who betrayed my dad, we lived with her boyfriend for some time. But like I mentioned, my dad was an emotionally distant, almost cold alcoholic, who spent his time drinking alone or working instead of caring for his family. So I get that she had needs that weren't fulfilled. Of course I was mad with her for some time but after some time I understood what moved her, as a child I didn't really realize how our dad left us alone in that time.
Could my mom have made better decisions? Absolutely, she could've just divorced him.
Does my dad share blame for distancing himself from his family, years before the infidelity? Also yes.
Did I like living with my mom's side piece? Hell no, I didn't like that guy.
In the end it turned out alright, my dad got sober and through therapy learned to have meaningful relationships with his children and partners. My mom is married to another man, who I love dearly, even my father had an okay relationship with him.
All I'm trying to say is that human relationships are complicated, things like this betrayal don't always happen in a vacuum. I mean sometimes they do, but we don't know that here.
I see where you're coming from. And I'm sorry that happened to you. Truly.
But OP only stated they dont want to go because well, it didn't really effect them so why bother? So maybe I took this all wrong and I'm sorry if I did.
But for OP to be so dismissive of his mother's feeling because he wants to continue hanging out with his dad is choosing a side.
Like, OP isn't saying that mom says i have to move out but she's never really been there for me. Or she makes bad decisions. Or some other reason would have me way more supportive. Just, I like hanging with my dad cause we're best friends
But the dad is clearly not the best role model as he makes bad choices. He didn't sleep with some random women. He didn't sleep with one of his equal power co workers.
He slept with his young assistant. Which is not only shitty for the cheating reasons, but that's literally abuse of power. Then as soon as the mom left, before the divorce is final, he moved her into the home which once house OPs family as if its no big deal
And OP acts like its nothingl and the mom is actually the bad person for feeling hurt.
The question could have been how do I tell my mom I still would like to have a relationship with my father after all this went down. But no. This whole question was looking for validation to not actually have to go with his mom for selfish reasons.