My dad has recently been caught having an affair with his young personal assistant. Huge scandal; mom was very angry. Now they’re in the middle of divorce proceedings. Mom moved out, the other woman moved in and I chose to stay with him because we’re super close; he’s like my best friend. Now mom’s telling me to go and live with her and go no contact with him cause he’s a bad person and by continuing having a relationship with him I’m condoning his actions and “ignoring her suffering”. My relationship with my dad hasn’t changed, I don’t see why I should end it.

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[–] 36 points 1 year ago (2 children)

There's a bit of difference between making a mistake and stabbing your partner in the back. He could have done it the right way, but he chose to do one of the most emotional hurtful things you can do.

He betrayed family to get laid

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  • [–] 12 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Point number 2. Read it again.

    As of why, we can only speculate. Sometimes a disaster is what is required to get things happening that should have been over a long time ago.

    They are living together already, so it was not only to get laid.

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  • [+] 2 points 1 year ago (1 child)
  • [–] 7 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Exactly. She moved in after. You are absolutely correct. 10/10 reading comprehension.

    It would be unusual if she moved in before the ex wife moved out.

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  • [+] 5 points 1 year ago (1 child)
  • [–] -2 points 1 year ago* (2 children)

    My dad has recently been caught having an affair with his young personal assistant.... Mom moved out, the other woman moved in

    Staying makes it pretty clear OP is choosing a side. Theyd rather have a cool friend dad than an actual parent

    Edit: not only was dad willing to blow up his family to get his dick wet, but he's also cool with abusing his power for said reason

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)
  • Maybe not in a perfect world. But here there are clearly very opposing sides.

    Even if the dad is cool about it and makes it seem like choosing to stay with him isn't picking a side, it still is

    My recommendation is not to side with the guy who not only had an affair but invited Ms side peice to live in their old family home

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  • [–] 0 points 1 year ago

    Between an immoral piece of sh and a person who was dedicated and believed they weren't yes there are sides.

    Father isn't just committing an act of betrayal, which he does to the person he loves, so op will definitely also be fair game for betrayal, father is also abusing his seat of power over his very young employee which is called coertion or quid pro quo and is UNACCEPTABLE. The fact OP could look into the eyes of a man who would betray him without a second thought is just cope.

    Eventually it will sink in how horrific this was and op I am sure being moral themselves hopefully will take moms side.

    Normal to go through a period of shock or denial before it sinks in.

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  • [+] 2 points 1 year ago (1 child)
  • [–] -5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Nah. I'll keep my family values

    You can go have fun blowing up a family and chalk it up to "whoops. Just another mistake"

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  • [–] 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    If you are this allergic to nuance, I recommend staying away from threads that require logical/rational breakdowns of heavily-emotional topics.

    You can't just jump the gun (having fun blowing up families) about someone just because they answered OOPs question in an impartial manner.

    So if you seriously cannot engage with this topic without resuming to attacks, I implore you to take a step back, reasess, and move on to something else.

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  • [+] 1 point 1 year ago (1 child)
  • [–] -1 points 1 year ago* (1 child)

    Not from Kansas. Well traveled and have seen a bunch of relationships. I've seen people get divorced and I've seen infidelity.

    I have immeasurably more respect for those that get divorced no matter how hard it is. Breaking the vow through being a cheater is about as low as you can go.

    Sorry you don't hold marriage to sanctity it should be

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  • [+] 1 point 1 year ago (1 child)
  • [–] -4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Says the man posting from lemmynsfw. Things in your second marriage must be going super well

    If you held marriage to any standard, a man breaking his vows to sleep WITH HIS ASSISTANT should be pretty deplorable. And recommended an atleast young adult to just brush past that like it's just another mistake is insane.

    Yeah, just look the other way that he figuratively slapped your mom across the face. Atleast he's cool though

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Says the man posting from lemmynsfw. Things in your second marriage must be going super well

    Ah yes, you're one of those who think porn is a sin. Explains a lot about your attitude in the comments here.

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  • [–] -5 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Never said porn was a sin

    But that person had a choice to make an account on any instance they wanted to, and chose to make it on the most inappropriate one they could find.

    Just saying

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  • [–] 4 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    It's not a sin, it's just inappropriate. God you're a judgemental dick

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  • [–] -5 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    You would be happy if your partner had the easiest choice to not make their account on the porn instance but still did?

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    No, why would I care one way or another which instance they were on? People like you are why we have 'morality' laws.

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  • Because it's lack of respect to your partner.

    Literally hundreds of regular instances. Instances that still have NSFW on them.

    But they decided they needed to be surrounded by porn to be happy.

    It's the message you give to the person your supposed to be faithful to. A message that, to be happy, I need to have porn around me at any given time.

    Which, kinda shows why he's working on marriage number 2 in my book.

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  • [+] 0 points 1 year ago (1 child)
  • [–] -3 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Yes, I am judgemental of people who are advocating for not having the back of a noncheating parent.

    "Oh she's being mean by saying dont talk to him. How could she"

    He literally fucked his assistant behind her back. What he did was 100x as worse. But its ok. He's fun though!

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  • [–] -1 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Nah. Im allowed to do whatever I want.

    And I want to call out people for excusing an affair. The dad could have done it the right way, like an actual adult. Asking for a divorce is hard, but immeasurably easier emotionally to the person you make a commitment to than sneaking around and finally getting caught WITH YOUR ASSISTANT

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    No one is excusing an affair. People are merely trying to help OOP navigate an emotionally complex situation: wanting to keep contact with their father despite the circumstances, and wondering if their mother's actions are justifiable or not.

    You can do whatever you want, but that does not absolve you of consequences.

    I only gave you genuine advice, taking breaks/disengaging is helpful. I cannot force you, ofcourse, there's only so much I can do.

    So please consider above, and have a nice day

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    I'm curious to learn what you think about your username in this context? What crime are you partner in and is it only breaking a partnership that is an unforgivable crime?

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