this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2023
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I'm a trans guy working as a professional software eng, and yeah, I'm stealth.
I'm sorry I (and presumably many others) don't act as real life representation save for these online spaces! I promise you we are out there, and being trans doesn't have to be a barrier.
I don't think I'd be in hot water if I came out or anything either; I just work at a company that is largely older and conservative so I'm just personally being extra cautious in not wanting to add any unnecessary social tension.
If I can ask, how did you navigate job history prior to transitioning in interviews? Were you simply not asked about deadnames or anything? Or were you lucky enough to transition before you had job history?
I admit, I'd love to transition and go stealth, I just don't know how I'd START somewhere stealth if my prior history might out me...
I changed my name legally while I was at uni, so yeah, it was my first proper job. I started HRT a couple of years into the job without anyone knowing; I was just the friendly neighbourhood young looking lad at that point.
Re the interview question, do you mean when they ask you for references? Otherwise, I don't see why your dead name would be relevant at all. (Unless there's some country/region-specific paperwork you have to deal with that I'm not aware of.)
If you're worried about your references outing you, is there any chance you could reach out to your previous employer(s) and let them know about your name/gender correction so that if a new employer calls, they're all clued up? Is that safe for you to do?