this post was submitted on 24 May 2025
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Relationship Advice

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I’m aware that this is probably a thing many people struggle with, their loved ones in the military. I’m one of them.

I’m proud of my gentlemanly fiancé. After all, he’s joining the military. But that’s the thing, after he turns 18, he will be signing up. My parents are very strict and we cannot actually see each other in person unless it’s somehow not considered a “date”. I have to be 21 to actually go on dates even if I am legally considered old enough.

Even so, he will be in the military, where there will not be a lot of time to go on dates.

I will not break up with him over this like one of his exes did. I am very proud that he’s joining, but I don’t know what to do when he’s away or to cope with loss.

Whatever I do, I won’t lose feelings for him.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago (3 children)

It could be cultural. Even in the US, OP's family could be in a cult. But they could be in a country where family is more important than in most Western countries. Or live in an oppressive culture where women are property - like where the US is headed.

I agree with you; I'm just saying it's not always that easy, and if OP is living with their parents - because it's a shitty time to be a young adult, impossibly expensive to find places to live, doesn't have enough income, is going to college, or any number of reasons - they may have little choice.

[–] relation_anon4238 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

I live in the US with a Christian family who is also influenced by rape and SA survivors and that’s why I can’t be with men.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Those three years do nothing to protect you from those things though? No dating until you're old enough to do so drunk? That's ridiculously arbitrary, if not backwards.

Personally, I joined up from an entirely mercenary outlook; No delusions about accomplishing good in the world, but there were thing$ and experiences/training(mostly) I wanted out of it. Getting away from an overly-controlling/meddlesome family was high on that list.

[–] relation_anon4238 1 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

Makes sense. My friend’s mom agrees because her daughter survived men being creepy and she can’t date until she graduates high school or college (she’s 17)