Waldelfe comments on Are you threatening me?

[–] Waldelfe@feddit.org 32 points 1 year ago (11 children)

"Approaching in public" can mean so many different things. What most women have a problem with is being approached in a situation where the man has some form of power over her. For example a cashier or server has to be friendly and smile or she will risk her job. Being approached is uncomfortable, because too many men don't understand it when the no comes with a smile. They are also in a position of power, because they can complain about her or make a scene and get her in trouble.

In this case the TSA agent has some form of power over her and could give her trouble if she refuses. She has no way of knowing if a "no" will be met with understanding or with him holding her up, being insistent, keeping her from passing. That's what makes it especially uncomfortable.

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[–] starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 year ago

I think even if it's not one of these situations, being approached is uncomfortable unless you are interested in the person. People are way more isolated now and less socially aware, which means half the people who do approach will not understand when the other person isn't interested, and end up making it a bad interaction for both people rather than just a short uncomfortable one.

Being isolated also makes people act stupid, which makes them ask out their server cashier etc even if they know they shouldn't. They just need someone to be with, and they see a positive interaction and go for it. It's like someone who's starving stealing a lot of your food, it's still their "fault" but it's not really surprising they would do that.

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[–] RagingRobot@lemmy.world 1 point 1 year ago (9 children)

Sounds easier to just stay introverted. Sorry. Forever alone lol

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[–] TheDoozer@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago (8 children)

It's pretty simple. If they can't just walk away and choose not to talk to you, don't shoot your shot.

If they are going through security to get on a scheduled flight, and you are security, do not shoot your shot.

If you are their boss, in your office, do not shoot your shot.

If you are purchasing something from them, do not shoot your shot.

If you are at a bar, and you are polite, shoot your shot. And accept a no graciously.

If you are at a park, and you are both walking your dogs, try to start up a conversation (not shoot your shot). And accept a no graciously.

If you are the President of the United States, and you have a 19-year-old intern in your office, DO NOT shoot your shot.

Seems pretty simple to me. I'm a man in my 40s, have started plenty of conversations with women (and men) in public, and have never had any negative experiences from it (other than coming across some VERY strange people). Weird.

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[–] theblips@lemm.ee 14 points 1 year ago (1 child)

What happened to just having hobbies and social groups and then developing genuine relationships there, too? Why are the "male loneliness" advocates acting like picking up girls has ever been the standard for developing a relationship? Just seems like brainrot from watching too many "ripped guy in the beach picking up girls" videos at a young age...
I have had a bunch of relationships and flings in my life and only like one or two happened through "shooting my shot", most were friends of friends, school colleagues, large Whatsapp group chats (were a big thing in Brazil for a while), etc.

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[–] Waldelfe@feddit.org 2 points 1 year ago

Yeah, that's the other thing. I was a teenager in the 90s and just walking up to someone in public to hit on them or flirting with people who are working was seen as weird back then too. You met people through hobbies, school, parties or clubs.

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