• Queen to be forced to get her own tea, Feb 1999
• British rhubarb must be straight, Jun 1996
• Speed limits to be enforced on children’s roundabouts, Oct 2004
• EU bans wooden oars for stirring the Christmas Pudding, Nov 1992
• EU asks women about their sex lives, Nov 2007
• Scores of foreign boats to invade Essex coast, Nov 1992
• Shellfish must be given rest breaks whilst on journeys, Jan 1996
• High up” signs to be put on mountains, Mar 2004
• Euro notes responsible for impotency, Mar 2002
• Strawberries must be oval, Mar 1998
• European secondary school pupils to spend a “free” year abroad, Apr 1993
• EU health directive to prevent barmaids from showing cleavage, Nov 2005
• Now Brussels make bright smiles illegal, Feb 2003
• Tractors to be banned from soggy fields, Jan 2005
• EU officials banned from flying Ryanair, Mar 2012
• British power over VAT rates to be abolished, Mar 2000
• Copyright Tax to be levied on all home VCR recordings, Mar 2000
• EU gives £1m to train Italian TV presenter “bimbos”, Jul 2003
• EU may force UK to give criminals vote, Feb 2006
• EU rules blamed for vulture attacks on farm livestock, Aug 2007
• Excavated earth to become waste, Mar 1995
• Feeding swans and homeless people to require licence, Feb 1994
• Delicacies must be sold in quantities over one and a quarter pounds, Feb 1995
• Scotch whisky must be handled as a dangerous chemical, Nov 1995
• Bosses to be told what carpet to buy, Jan 2004
• Self-employed home-workers must equip their houses with fire doors, Jun 1993
• EU bans lorry drivers’ British breakfast, Sep 2001
• 58 hour working week will ground hospitals to a halt, Aug 2004
• Noise regulations to require club, pub and football goers to wear earplugs, Mar 2002
• UK screens being flooded by pornography as a result of new EC directive, Jan 1993
• EU to fund the Labour and LibDems but not the Conservatives, Jan 2000
• EU wants to ban sale of British plants, Sep 2013
• EU to regulate pizza sizes, Oct 1994
• Farmers forced to issue pigs with toys, Jan 2003
• Dead pets must be pressure cooked before burial, Mar 2000
• Commission to outlaw mushy peas, Aug 1995
• Eurocrats to ban small fruits, Jul 2001
• Fresh pasta banned, Apr 2002
• Her Majesty to be removed from UK passports, Sep 2007
• EU wants to ban Union flag from British meat packs, Sep 2013
• EC regulations forbid the carrying of British passengers, Nov 1992
• Organic farmers ordered by EU to use homeopathic medicine, Apr 2015
• Politically correct Eurocrats say Santa must be a woman, Oct 2001
• Soya milk indistinguishable from cow milk and thus to be banned, April 1995
• Euro meddlers rule we can’t have milk jugs, Feb 2010
• Brussels drive to rob us of British identity, June 2010
• Rare meat to be banned due to “too much bacteria”, Sep 1993
• Bureaucrats declare Britain is “not an island”, Jan 2003
• Kent now part of France, Sep 2006
• No EU plans to abolish Britain!, Apr 2008
• EU steps up recycling targets to eliminate landfills, July 2014
• Kilts to be classified as women’s wear, Nov 2003
• EU responsible for your hay fever, May 2015
• Gin to be sold in round bottles for the Single Market, Oct 1993
• Quality standards ban curved cucumbers and certain apples, Jun 1993
• Home-made cakes must be labelled with all ingredients, Jul 2004
• EU to blame for floods, Jan 2016
• Condom dimensions to be harmonised, Mar 2000
• EU plans to liquify corpses and pour them down the drain, July 2010
• EU plot to seize control of our seabed, Feb 2013
• EU wants to restrict your coffee drinking, May 2015
• Women’s clothes sizes to get bigger due to standardisation, April 2002
• Village church bells silenced by EU, Oct 2002
• British cheese face extinction, May 1999
• EU wants to control your candles, Dec 2015
• Passengers to pay a second fare for journeys over 30 miles, Jan 1999
• Double-decker buses to be banned, Apr 1998
• EU trying to quantify smell of British workers, Sep 1996
• British loaf of bread under threat from EU, Oct 1997
• EU ‘bans boozing’, Feb 2005
• Butchers cannot give a dog a bone, May 2004
• EU bans children from blowing up balloons, Oct 2011
• Ambulances turn yellow for Europe, Mar 2002
• Let’s quit the EU and link up with America, Oct 1998