this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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Weird enough for me, everyone around me knew/heavily suspected that I was autistic, would tease/mock my traits and proceed to flip out when I react. Only found out after I reached out with the suspicion that I might be autistic.
At least now I’m surrounded with more (seemingly) understanding people, even though I haven’t told them.
I've also been given the "I've always suspected" thing (not diagnosed) from certain people, family to be specific. And while, fair enough, so have I; when I start thinking about certain treatment and button pushing that I've gone through, and the fact that no one ever bothered to get me professionally assessed growing up so that maybe I could've had a better quality life; it makes my mind start going to dark places. And I don't like it because maybe it's all in my head.
Edit: although to be fair, I do believe that I have become quite unintentionally good at putting a mask on throughout the years. And maybe it's only really starting to show now that I'm older and still the way I am.
Your experience resonates with me, and I hope you do manage to find your inner peace, however that may be in your journey through life.
Also, thank goodness that it’s becoming somewhat more accessible to get assessed in adulthood. Even if we’ve already missed the train on our formative developmental years, I’m still hopeful that I can at least learn what I need to get my life back together as soon as I can afford to see someone about it.