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Suggestion/discussion: Should we add "incel" to the no-no word list? (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I don't know, but this comment from @[email protected] has given me some stuff to think about.

People should not think less of you on the base of the amount of sex you have, and you shouldn't either.

This is a nice thought, but insults based on amount of sex are absurdly common. I have seen quite a few people on this site who still do these insults, and it doesn't get removed when I report it. The incel article from a while go was about how we should critique incels for their misogyny rather than them failing to have sex, I see this as pretty similar to the arguments about not body-shaming fascists in that most of the people who will get hit by the insult are not the actual target. From what I remember, that article good job explaining why these insults are harmful and how they hurt a lot of people who they really shouldn't, unfortunately the discussion on that post was very off topic. In my experience, most people who have sex fail to recognize that not everyone who is celibate is an incel ("If so many terrible people have sex and you can't, that must mean you are worse than they are!").

I would say that insults based on amount of sex a person has should not be allowed, but I am very pessimistic about this actually leading to a change in site culture.

Once again, please assume good faith, even if you disagree with the take. If you think I mean something weirdly reactionairy by this post, ask me wether that is what I mean, instead of just saying that's what I mean please.
I don't want this to become a strugglesession, I just feel like this would be a good discussion to have. If this does become hostile, then please lock/remove it mods.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

It's not that I don't believe what you're saying, its just that it hasn't been my experience. Far from it. Almost always what I see is people calling out incels for what they are. The closest that I remember has been people lashing out against what they incorrectly perceive to be an incel - not in the sense that being a virgin or unable to have sex is derogatory, but that the derogatory part is the massive, insane mysoginy that is tied to inceldom as a subculture.

That's the key point where this thread misses me. Incels are a subculture. They recognize themselves as such and are recognized by virtually everybody else as a group apart. Nobody can 'be caught in the crossfire' unless they act or at least appear to act like an incel. You're not an incel because you're a virgin (incels aren't, necessarily) and you aren't an incel because you aren't having sex as of late (incels do engage with sex workers they claim to hate). You're an incel because you buy into an entire worldview that reduces people to things, human relations to a marketplace and turns the sum of humanity into a phrenology experiment to deflect from one's faults and mistakes.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

I think in an attempt to critique the toxic ppl online, innocent bystanders do get hit with the crossfire. There are definitely actual involuntary celibates that get hurt when someone says "man fuck those stupid incels they're so toxic." I 100% believe this.