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What are some dating mistakes you often see when people try seeking a partner? (kbin.melroy.org)

submitted 15 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

49 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I have a few.

One is abbreviation hell. Nobody is going to spend the time trying to decipher what you mean when you use over several abbreviations. It is just better if you'd explain than expecting people to understand aside from commonly used abbreviations that are easy to understand.

Another is overstepping your limits for the sake of getting a partner. Compromising your own standards is perhaps one of the worst things you can do when it comes to trying to find dates. Like you're suddenly okay with dating single parents but you don't like children. You're suddenly okay with dating religious people but you're not religious. Things like that. Because it means you're desperate and you're setting yourself up and setting them up for a bad date.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (3 children)

I think your assessment of the issue is accurate. People don't go out and do things like they did before the pre cellphone and internet age.

But for me...for the life of me if I go out and do stuff on my own, I cannot interact with strangers. It's uncomfortable, unpleasant, and I don't get anything out of it. I don't know how that's supposed to magically swing the other direction.

Hell, even with people I like and know well... interacting with them outside of our "normal" routine is uncomfortable and unpleasant for me. Over the years, I've befriended someone at work and feel comfortable there. But for the life of me, I cannot gain the same level of comfort and satisfaction hanging out outside of work.

I've had a sister in law for years and years now. Despite this, I do not have the inability to interact with her. It is uncomfortable, unlessant, and I do not get anything out of it. It's not her fault...she's a very nice person. But I just absolutely cannot ever gain comfort around people in certain (read: many) types of scenarios. I am comfortable around my parents and that's it. No matter how often I spend with other people.

Exposing myself repeatedly to these scenarios has not ever helped or made any sort of difference.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago

Booze and Prozac helped me

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 hours ago

I go out and do stuff for me. I'm perfectly comfortable with wandering around and looking at things without ever interacting with everyone besides thanking the person behind the register after buying something. I've had social anxiety for so long that it's become a normal thing for me now to not expect any interaction with anyone. And, because of this, no one wants to talk to the quiet person who is scared to look at you in the eye. They might think I'm just being rude or something but in reality I'm avoiding a potential interaction that scares me. So, speaking to what this person said about going out and doing stuff I can relate. Going out in public doesn't necessarily mean you'll interact with people. You can be alone even when surrounded by people.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 hours ago

I can relate to this. Several times I have forced myself to go out and mix with people only to be back again in home and think that I got nothing positive from the experience, sometimes neither a good time during the process. Right now I think that Im transitioning to the acceptance that I just don't like people and I want to be by myself.