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General trans community.

Rules:

Follow all blahaj.zone rules
All posts must be trans-related. Other queer-related posts go to c/lgbtq.
Don't post negative, depressing news articles about trans issues unless there is a call to action or a way to help.

Resources:

Best resource: https://github.com/cvyl/awesome-transgender Site with links to resources for just about anything.

Trevor Project: crisis mental health services for LGBTQ people, lots of helpful information and resources: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

The Gender Dysphoria Bible: useful info on various aspects of gender dysphoria: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

StainedGlassWoman: Various useful essays on trans topics: https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/

Trans resources: https://trans-resources.info/

[USA] Resources for trans people in the South: https://southernequality.org/resources/transinthesouth/#provider-map

[USA] Report discrimination: https://action.aclu.org/legal-intake/report-lgbtqhiv-discrimination

[USA] Keep track on trans legislation and news: https://www.erininthemorning.com/

[GERMANY] Bundesverband Trans: Find medical trans resources: https://www.bundesverband-trans.de/publikationen/leitfaden-fuer-behandlungssuchende/

[GERMANY] Trans DB: Insurance information (may be outdated): https://transdb.de/

[GERMANY] Deutsche Gesellschaft für Transidentität und Intersexualität: They have contact information for their advice centers and some general information for trans and intersex people. They also do activism: dgti.org

*this is a work in progress, and these resources are courtesy of users like you! if you have a resource that helped you out in your trans journey, comment below in the pinned post and I'll add here to pass it on

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How do you know when you're actually passing? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 5 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I socially transitioned before I started hormones, and when I went out in public wearing women's clothes, people would look at me frequently, and some people would stare at me. It was obvious I didn't pass from these kinds of responses, but I also got somewhat used to that treatment.

Over time, with hormone therapy, I get fewer and fewer instances of this. I haven't been stared at in a long time, and I think people look at me less.

At one point I would describe my experience as being a "woman shaped object" - in people's peripheral vision I looked like a normal woman, but if someone interacted with me they could tell I was trans.

I went out yesterday and got my nails done, went shopping, went out for dinner, etc. and interactions with people made me think they couldn't tell I was trans, but I just don't know whether they can actually tell or not.

While waiting in line to buy some clothes, a woman wanted to chat about how long the line was taking, and she interacted with me as though I were a normal woman - there wasn't a hint of stigma, curiosity, etc.

Anyway - this just makes me wonder: what are others' experiences with passing and not-passing, what are little clues that you aren't passing or when you are?

I assume you just can't actually tell when people are being polite vs not knowing, but maybe there are little hints.

Thanks!

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I went out yesterday and got my nails done, went shopping, went out for dinner, etc. and interactions with people made me think they couldn't tell I was trans, but I just don't know whether they can actually tell or not.

While waiting in line to buy some clothes, a woman wanted to chat about how long the line was taking, and she interacted with me as though I were a normal woman - there wasn't a hint of stigma, curiosity, etc.

Not much to add but I just found this interesting. When personal goals meet social goals I guess.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I wish it felt like actually meeting those goals, I don't experience it that way.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago (1 children)

So here's the thing. As long as your goal is to pass, you'll always feel like you're not meeting your goals (even if you are meeting them) , because that goal is based in fear of consequences and in self image.

Ask yourself why you want to pass. Is it to have more experiences like the one with the woman in the line? Where you can just exist and have regular day to day interactions with folk? Cause you're achieving that, whether or not you believe you pass.

Shift your goals is my advice :)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Your comments are wise as usual. :-)

Unfortunately I think the reasons I want to pass are probably deeper than just the pragmatic ones, which is maybe why I feel conflicted about those desires (i.e. I think the desires could be self-defeating / harmful).

Certainly the pragmatic consequences of passing are nice: it's safer, the social interactions are smoother, it's more affirming, and so on. But I want to pass for more than the pragmatic reasons, e.g. I get hung-up on my own trans-ness being wrong, about feeling inauthentic as a woman, about constantly feeling afraid of being outed or clocked, etc.

I think you are right that I should shift my goals from "passing" to the more pragmatic goal of living in an assimilated / integrated way (whether I pass or not), but I am not sure how much control I have over that, considering I never entered into transition thinking I would ever pass, and it was never an explicit goal I allowed myself to have.

Honestly, I need to spend more time undoing my own anti-trans bias - I am not sure how to best do that, but I'm sure I could work on it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that your goal should be pragmatic blending in. What I'm saying is that when you say your goal is to pass, there's probably more to it than that. You want to pass for some specific reason.

And it's worth identifying what that reason is. If it's pragmatic, then that's what you need to be measuring. And if it's not pragmatic, if it's about the way you see yourself, or your own sense of validity, then wanting to pass is the symptom, not the real issue.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago

Hm. Well, it's hard to judge how far you made it of course, but if you pass on a first glance out and about, then you seem to be on the right track? Usually people get second glances whenever something feels off. Like you look over someone, your eyes move past them, but then your brain is like "hold on a second?" and your eyes dart back. If that happens less and less then that means you're passing certainly more than before and end up blending in. I think that sounds like decent progress at least.