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If it applies to you, how did you engage with the instinct that drug-based treatment would make you not feel your real feelings? (feddit.de)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I have been living with depression since a teenager and after so many years, I recently finally started receiving psychotherapy (CBT). While I'm already seeing some modest changes in my thinking patterns, my therapist noted that in the last few weeks the severity of the condition is worsening and it might be a good time to talk with my primary care provider about antidepressants as a combination therapy.

This got a reaction out of me, specifically that I don't like the idea of chemically altering my mental state and losing access to what "I really feel" (as I perceive it).

I know that the logic behind this sentiment is not very solid, but we can't reason ourselves out of our feelings that easily. For me this is also challenging because I don't take any recreational substances that affect my mental state, so I can't tell to myself that it's like e.g. smoking weed only more targeted and supervised.

I'm curious if this sentiment is familiar to anyone else, and how you dealt with it (whether you decided for or against medication).

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

It may be worth talking to your therapist about the fact that you may have internalized these feelings as being a core part of your identity, something that you’re afraid to lose. I promise there’s more to the things that make you who you are.

Yeah, I think you are hitting an important point and he also tried to poke at it when I told him how I feel about the suggestion.

One aspect of it is definitely that I've been depressed since I had a personality. At some level, I think I believed that this could never change (and that's why I was so amazed when some of the CBT exercises started having the exact effects the theory said they would). Thinking of a potential me without all of the maladaptive patterns I developed since I was a kid is about as stressful to me as meeting a stranger.

Part of it is also that I don't understand the chemical mechanism behind the various antidepressants though, so I'll definitely need to talk with medical doctors about it.