this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2024
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I was on the fence until this. This is extremely unprofessional and, if I understand correctly, could even get the company sued. Here's how I'd personally handle it; but take this with a grain of salt because I've never actually had to deal with something like this before:
First, talk to a lawyer. Tell them what's going on an get their thoughts and suggestions. The suggestions following may be way off-base.
Then, start keeping track of every time she brings something like that up, and log how you responded, how it made you feel, how she reacted to you response. You're collecting evidence for a lawsuit on the basis of a toxic and highly unprofessional work environment that'll hopefully never actually happen.
Once you have enough info that you could potentially launch said lawsuit, double-check with your lawyer and then you go to HR.
YOUR LAWYER WILL LIKELY TELL YOU THIS: DO NOT THREATEN A LAWSUIT. DO NOT EVEN HINT AT A LAWSUIT. DO NOT MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT A LAWSUIT, PERIOD. IF YOU MAKE ANY MENTION OF LEGAL ACTION THEN YOU WILL DESTROY YOUR CHANCES OF HAVING A POSITIVE OUTCOME FROM THIS MEETING. THEY ARE ALMOST GUARANTEED TO FIRE YOU AND THEN IMMEDIATELY LAWYER UP. THEY MAY EVEN ATTEMPT TO DESTROY EVIDENCE IF THEY THINK IT'S PREFERABLE TO A SUCCESSFUL LAWSUIT.
Make sure you log your interaction with HR as well; what you discussed, if you felt your concerns were heard during the meeting, and then make a follow-up log a week or two later to note if there was any change as a result of your meeting.
If there was no change, talk to your lawyer and consider trying again (and log everything again), and again, do not threaten, mention or even hint at any kind of legal action whatsoever. You're trying to give the company ample chance to respond to your concerns.
If there was still no change, go talk to your lawyer about the possibility of pursuing legal action. It could be legitimately worth it, especially if they decide to fire you after your first or second meeting with HR.
Your goal is to have a paper trail so long and thorough that you can hang them with it (figuratively, in court) if necessary.